Allow me to introduce you to my New York

New York, New York, the big city of big dreams.  My hometown.

If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.

New York’s mystique has been eternal, and for as long as the city has existed, so has art inspired by it. “Saturday Night Fever” exposed the disco era to the masses, “Do The Right Thing” exposed the hood, countless Woody Allen movies introduced us to a new brand of neurotic humor, and “Sex and the City” and “Girls” inspired countless women to relocate and change their lives.

There’s more, there’s way more. How I met Your Mother, Seinfeld, Wall Street, 42nd Street, Midnight Cowboy, Taxi Driver, Breakfast At Tiffany’s, The Jeffersons,   30 Rock, Law & Order, Man on Wire.

Even the Muppets took Manhattan, and they could have gone anywhere!

Yep, New York City’s mystique is eternal and unquestionable, and there is nothing that I can do or say to make you think differently. People come here from all over the world to grind it out in their respective fields. Diplomacy, fashion, art, finance, technology, there is simply nothing in this city that is not represented.

If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.

Countless times I have read mens web sites and forums, all swelling with love for my city, with people making it their life goal to move here. Indeed, New York City is a fantasy for many. Like having sex with Emma Watson.

{{A pic of Emma Watson should go here to keep your attention, but I’m trying to make a point}}

But what if Emma Watson was an abusive cunt? What if she made your life a living hell? How would you react? And how would other people react? I bet you there are men so thirsty out there, that they would let Emma Watson abuse and humiliate them every they, and they would chastise you for refusing that kind of punishment. But enough about the Emma Watson analogy, I’m sure she’s a lovely person.

Don’t get me wrong, the New York fantasy is real. Clubs can pop off every night of the week. Ballers can ball. Hell, NYC is home to so many modeling agencies, to an outsider its hard to imagine this city without picturing one in every 10 girls being a high fashion model.

But the road to the New York fantasy is paved with so many hardships, its enough to make some flip out, and some to quit chasing their fantasy, the same fantasy that drove them here in the first place. I have written about this before. I have written about how one by one, my friends are “settling” and becoming shells of their former selves. I have written about how in nightlife the odds are stacked decidedly against the men, even smack in the middle of Manhattan. I have written about the overworked, weary young professionals.  And yet noone listens to me seriously. The New York Mystique is strong.

But then I saw something that showed all the points I was making. The explosion of NYC frustrations, combined into one video. Prepare to see MY New York, the New York void of the mystique.

Yes. All of this was to introduce the following video. You Ready?

Yep. There it is. The infamous SantaCon fight. You may have seen it before, you may have gotten a few chuckles out of it, but let me tell you a bit more about this video and how it reflects on my city.

New York City’s culture is “Work Hard, Play Hard”, and as a result of that the biggest partiers are often the people that are the most overworked. Imagine working 14 hour days, feeling replaceable, and then going to a sausage fest bar and seeming a horde of people just like you.  There’s a reason why many people call New Years Eve, Halloween and St Patricks day “amateur hour”, because it is one of the few times these guys allow themselves to let loose, and they always go overboard.

SantaCon is New York City’s newest drinking holiday, but unlike the other “amateur hours”, there is nothing to hold it back. No children, no traditions, no family time, no heritage. None of that. Just put on some Santa gear and get fucked up.

The video is taken in the East Village neighborhood, one of the most hip and most expensive places to live. It’s reputation is that it’s a great place to meet girls, partially because of its proximity to NYU and partially because the neighborhoods cheap drinks and plentiful bars always attract young professionals. But how many women could you count in that video?

Zero.

On a Saturday night, in one of the best NYC neighborhoods, there are zero women visible. It is just several angry, drunk and frustrated men, indistinguishable from each other because of their Santa outfits (instead of being indistinguishable because of the work “uniform”). This is what happens when the animal that is man is caged up for so long.

This isnt an isolated incident. This happens all the time. This happens when fantasy meets reality.

Don’t get me wrong – the fantasy DOES exist, its here, its real, and there will be times you’ll be so close you can almost touch it. But be ready to work, be ready to sacrifice, be ready to deal with the imminent frustrations.

Or learn how to hustle.

Top 10 Manosphere posts of the Week (12/13/2013)

Back for a 2nd straight week to prove that I wasn’t just a one trick pony or a lazy bum – it’s the top Manosphere Posts of the week! This week’s hot fitness chick is Ashley Kaltwasser – the reigning IFBB Bikini Olympia champion. Check her out on instagram at http://instagram.com/ashleykfit. Yes. A woman can look this good. Now enjoy your big girls ((trollface))

There was a slight issue with this week’s top 10 – an article I wanted to include was deleted right as I was writing this post, so I had to scramble for a replacement. This is why you see two posts from ROK this week. Hopefully  the “no repeat sites on the top 10” rule will be easy to enforce from now on. For real folks, don’t delete articles:)

Now, without further ado, here’s the list!

10. This is what a feminist looks like by Viva La Manosphere on Return of Kings. I have long made the distinction between “good feminists” and “bad feminists”. Many people have told me that the “bad feminist” is a myth, an exaggeration. This post offers video evidence that it isn’t.   
    
9. The Vindication of Jameis Winston by Athlone Mcginnis on Return of Kings. You might have already heard of the legal troubles of Florida State football phenom Jameis Winston. This article probes further into the case and examines how false accusations tend to follow star athletes everywhere.
8. The Fundamentals of Getting Laid a lot/definition of game by GoodLookingLoser. GLL once again breaks things down in an easy to understand and digest approach. His articles really take the mysteries and the “quest for perfection” out of sex and really just offer some solid, immediately usable, easy to understand advice.
7. Black Women must stop mating with Mr Big by JustFourGuys. In the black community there are a LOT of men making a LOT of money giving dating advice for women (think Steve Harvey), and the “male self improvement” movement has yet to begin to flourish. JFG explains why, while addressing socio-economic issues that I have never even fathomed. Great read.
6. Welfare is the New Middle Class by Captain Power on Matt Forney’s blog. Now I’m not usually too political, but this article had me intrigued. Captain Power investigates some Obamacare price claims and discovers that many of them had welfare factored in. Now, I believe in welfare. I believe that sometimes, we all could use a little help when the chips are down. But to have welfare be the de facto “norm” instead of the “if all else fails, I have this to help me get back on my feet ASAP” speaks volumes about the current state of the US.
5. 10 Ways to Evolve Your Game by WallStreetPlayboys. A simple 10 point list of how some of your old behaviors can be replaced by some new ones. Really simple and to the point, and it will pay dividends.
4. How To Avoid a False Rape Accusation by Thumotic. A false rape accusation has always been one of my biggest fears in life, especially now, when rape seems to have been redefined to “whatever makes a girl feel bad maybe”. Thumotic lays down some pretty good guidelines… plus he links to an old post of mine, so I gotta give him props 🙂
3. These Kids Today by Delicious Tacos. Experience can be a bitch. Men adapt. Gone are the days of super sweet nice girls. Now is the age of choking, gagging, and porn sex, and the ladies wouldn’t have it any other way. Delicious Tacos shares with us his observations on modern sex.
2. Daygame Mastery Extract – the Secret Society By Krauser. Krauser has some fun with sex partner statistics and gives you motivation to go mack now. Just read it
1. Betapedia. Yes, the whole site. Read it, bookmark it, read it again later. There are countless blogs that give you advice, that give you examples of good and bad behavior, that give you thoughtful discussions, etc. This is not one of them. This blog is supposed to make you cringe, this blog is supposed to make you uncomfortable. This blog represents everything you don’t want to be. To the creator of this site – bless your heart. If you are on the fence about “self improvement” – this is the alternative.

And there you have it. Hope you’ve enjoyed these articles as much as I had. Now, take us away Tumblr snowflake:

You catch more flies with honey

I’ve always more or less considered myself an “intentional rebel”. I hated the status quo, always made it a point to dislike stuff that was mainstream, you know the drill. I still try to discover as many “non mainstream” things as I can, learn as much as I can, and try to view the world from as many perspectives as possible. In college i started, like all “know it all” college students, to discover my political side. And in the very much “Red State” of Georgia, especially during the George W. Bush years, it made perfect sense for me to embrace my liberal side. Everyone that disagreed with me was a war mongering, bible thumping, black and female hating bigot. I kind of liked that role. Yeah, I was one of those guys we all make fun of now. But everyone had a bad period, so don’t judge me too hard 🙂

My perspective, however soon changed and broadened. And what was the reason behind it? Tasty lasagna.

pic related

A friend of mine told me about “Lasagna Club” on campus – a volunteer comes to the lounge areas of several dorms after all the dining halls were already closed and serves up delicious lasagna to hungry students. For 5 dollars you could fill up your plate with as much lasagna as you want and feel that sweet sweet carb satisfaction many of us deny ourselves today. Didn’t have 5 dollars? It’s fine, pay what you can. Didn’t have any money at all? You know what, it’s cool, enjoy the food. The mysterious volunteer was friendly, cheerful, and added a certain something to the college experience.

Noone really knew anything about the volunteer however, until one day, after all the lasagna has been served and my friends were hitting the books, I saw some fliers for a church. The following few nights – same thing, random church fliers left by where the plates were, however this man didn’t say a word about his religion, his beliefs or his motivation – he was just there to feed some students.

It was at this point that my ideas started to change. This was a person who I would have probably mocked because of my attitude, and when I realized that he was just doing some good deeds, I felt like an absolute heel. This man, with his quiet dignity and service, was doing more to spread his cause than I was doing by mocking the extremists who tried to do the same. Yeah, we focus on the loud obnoxious assholes because they are loud and obnoxious, but outside of them there is an entire world of beliefs and actions that could actually lead to a better life. It’s hard to argue that life wouldn’t be better if we became a little more “good Christian” (by that i mean the actual over-arching ideas of love and compassion, thats about as much as my religion talk goes, but hey, Dalrock exists).

Think about it this way – why did the anti religion people hate Tim Tebow so much? Because he did not sling venom or hate, instead he had an exemplary community service record and spread his love of Jesus through service.  He rehabilitated prisoners for fun. It’s tough to not like a guy like that.

And even he couldn’t save everybody

Recently I have noticed an interesting development in the ongoing saga of the Manosphere – peace and love. Now we are all familiar with the “angry” side of the manosphere (and if you haven’t read M3’s excellent piece on the topic – do it now). We are all familiar with the “foaming at the mouth with rage” “feminists” that oppose it (one of them even made ED – good for her). We all know that both sides think they are right and downplay (or simply refuse to acknowledge) the angry masses on their side. We are the good guys. They are the bad guys. That’s just how life is. And we all end up looking like children in the process.

But then there was a glitch in the Matrix. Enter Amanda Palmer

Yep, the same Amanda Palmer behind the Dresden Dolls, a band that the Jezebel crowd absolutely touches themselves over. I won’t go over her history, or the controversies she has been a part of. I will however point you to her tumblr page – where, in the wake over the infamous ROK article “5 Reasons to Date a Woman with an eating disorder” and all the negative attention it received, she seems to have risen up as a voice of reason.

Check out the full exchange here. It’s worth it. 

they should not be shot. nor castrated. think about it. they should be smothered in fucking love and compassion. possibly the only way they’ll ever snap out of it. $50 says if you castrate/shoot them they’re bound to just build a nastier website. don’t perpetuate the cycle. rise.

yes. we can and should be angry. this website is mad cray.

but saying “THESE MEN SHOULD DIE SLOW DEATHS/BE CASTRATED/MUTILATED” and those responding “FUCK YEAH” is stooping right down to level of mindless violence and non-respect that this website is perpetuating. and it’s exactly the response that gives forward-thinking feminists a bad rap in as a bunch of maniacal “man haters”.  so yes. feel anger. share feelings. respond with truth. but don’t use wrong speech, or get violent. or say anything you wouldn’t say in the actual company of these human beings. it still amazes me that some women think the correct response to this is “LET’S KILL THESE PEOPLE.” really, ladies? would you call up the mother of the guy who started this website and say “hello, ms. smith, i think your son should be castrated and die.” ??? no. really. honestly. you wouldn’t. you’d be angry, but human. so let’s please get our shit together and treat each other – yes, even the people like this – with dignity and respect.  golden fucking rule, people. otherwise we all stay in the fucking gutter. rant over.

Click on the link above. Look at how some people are responding to her call of peace, love and respect.People would rather continue the cycle of anger than to find a solution. Amanda Palmer gets it. Much love.

It doesn’t seem like her message of peace and acceptance has spread very far amongst other feminists. I’m sure by now we have all seen the angry feminist mob attacking an Argentinian cathedral.

Other sites have already covered this topic to death, but let’s focus on something particular shall we? The men protecting the cathedral are not responding with anger or rage. They are displaying the patience of a saint. They do not allow themselves to be cast as the bad guy… and therefore they win. It is very hard to sympathize with the feminists in this video, no matter how pro choice you claim to be.

“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” George Carlin.

Need another example of “bad guys” doing good? Let’s look at one of the favorite targets of “feminists” – professional pickup artists.

Here’s some background on our next clip. The guys at Simple Pickup make some entertaining videos. Some of their videos have some pretty wacky over the top hijinks meant not only to entertain, but to teach the audience that picking up girls can be… simple. Deciding to blend their videos with some good deeds, they managed to raise 7000 dollars for a breast cancer charity by donating $20 for each girl that let them motorboat her.  That is a rather impressive amount of motor boating.

However, in come the radical “feminists” to make things fun. They force the breast cancer charity to refuse their donation. And then… magic happens.

Once again, the “feminists” are made to look like uncaring savages and the Simple Pickup guys – through their charity and good deeds, become the good guys. Yes, “misogynist” pickup artists can be good guys.

So invite you, my dear reader, to make a commitment with me. Let’s all be good guys. Let’s try to spread as much care and joy to other people as we can. Let’s be good positive human beings. Because it is through THIS goodness that our message can spread and become more accepted. It is through this goodness that our message, our stories, our lessons, will have a new audience. It is through this goodness that we help our fellow man.

On every single site and forum i keep hearing the same chatter – how can i show this stuff to my friend? How can I make him see the light? How can this person that I care about lead a better life through some of my own beliefs? Many people recommend that “red pill” ideals should not be shared with anyone until they discover them on their own. I say share it. Just be a good messenger and lead by example.

And leave the vinegar at home

Top 10 Manosphere posts of the week (12/06/2013)

Unless you’ve been living under a social media rock – you will recognize Maria Kang from the pictures above. Yep, the infamous “Fit Mom” has the distinct honor of being  the FIRST “Kid Strangelove’s Hot Fitness chick of the week”. But more on that in a minute.

The manospheres numbers, as well as notoriety, are growing day by day. There’s already quite a few high quality link aggregates, like the always helpful vivalamanosphere, or the ever growing Red Pill Subreddit, to keep you updated with the freshest content.

But what if your time is limited, and you want to check out only the best, most mind blowing stuff the sphere has to offer? And what if you, like me, aren’t really a fan of the really weird political and “Human Bio Diversity” articles that seem to be randomly popping up recently? Have no fear, I got you.

Every Friday I will bring you what I consider the top 10 articles from the manosphere in the past week, all from different bloggers and sources to keep the content fresh. Which articles make it is up to my own personal discretion, but I can be a pretty reasonable guy, so no worries.

There is one rule – one article per site per week. Yes, I know some sites like ReturnOfKings spit hot fire daily, and props to them, but I would love to see a bigger scope of blogs represented here. Who knows – you might run across a blog you’ve never heard of and end up liking!

Anyway, without further ado, I present to you the FIRST Kid Strangelove Manosphere top 10!

10. Hollywood Loves Your Inferiority Complex by Good Looking Loser. GLL seems to be a happy-go-lucky, yet very no nonsense guy, a rarity in any blogging circles. In this post he discussed mens obsession with their appearance and obtaining impossible physical ideals and how most of us are a lot better off than we thought. 
    
9. Why I Hate the Day After Thanksgiving by Matt Forney. Matt recounts the horrors of working at a big box retailer and witnessing the ugly side of capitalism.
8. My girlfriend briefly reviews “Men on Strike” by The Quest for 50. Dagonet is dating, and things just seem to be going super duper. Here he shares his girlfriends views on the infamous “Men on Strike” book. Just read it, you will get the warm fuzzies.
7. Trapped! by Dalrock. Ever hear of Jenny Erikson, the woman whose pastor (gasp) told her husband about the divorce she was planning? Dalrock does what he does best – eviscerates this Christian hamster. I honestly pictured him as Eminem battle rapping while reading this piece.
6. Thank you, Hannah Price, For Putting a Human Face On Street Harassment by Just Four Guys. So I linked to a post older than a week. Sue me. It’s still brilliant. Just Four Guys is the first black manosphere blog that I ran across, and it handles issues of race and manhood remarkably. Just read the article already, it’s brilliant.
5. Michelle Obama is a Feminist Nightmare? You’re goddamn right she is! by JudgyBitch. Politico writer pens an article calling Michelle Obama a “feminist nightmare”, by taking up more “traditional” causes as a first lady. Judgy Bitch also channels her inner Eminem and goes totally HAM! Mrs Bitch, if you read this, I love your writing and wish to give you the highest of fives for consistency.
4. Why Game is Necessary, part 3 by Athlone McGinnis at Return of Kings. There had to be a ROK piece somewhere in there. Athlone McGinnis, one of ROKs most prolific writers, takes us through several frightening examples of what neediness, insecurity and self hate will do to a man. The alternative, of course, is personal development. And its a damn good alternative.
3. How I Make 10K per Month Online by Bold and Determined. This is a real eye opener on internet hustling (because not too many guys want to be hunched over a desk till they’re 60). I love the income and expense breakdowns, they are very helpful. And notice how most of the money is made – yep – in content creation and sales. Running vivalamanosphere probably helps a lot too:) .  I’m using this article as my own personal jump off point to improve this blog.
2. One Year Of Sobriety by Danger And Play. This post is very near and dear to my heart because I read it at the end of my “No Nothing November” experiment. Reading another persons reflections, thoughts and lessons on sobriety (and lack thereof) made me further reflect on what I was experiencing. This article seems to have that effect on everyone I showed it to.
1. Where Anger Leads by M3. And here it is, the FIRST #1 post of my weekly countdown, and one of the reasons I started this top 10 in the first place. M3 never pulls punches. He can dig so deep into his experiences that I feel like I am re-living them when I read his articles. This man deserves as much exposure as he can get because he is JUST THAT GOOD. In this post he addresses a common criticism of the manosphere – that it’s “angry”, and digs deep to the roots of that anger in both women and men, and what they both do about it. Just go and read it already!!!! Oh and when you’re done, check out the incredible discussion about it at the Red Pill Subreddit. 

Well, that was my first top 10. I hope you liked it, I certainly did. To submit new articles or blogs for consideration  – just hit me up on twitter at @kidstrangelove. I know that I probably covered only a small section of the sphere, as new blogs seem to pop up fairly constantly, so I would absolutely love to hear your suggestions.

Oh yeah – as an homage to the original “linkage” posts at Matt Forney’s old site Inmalafide, where he posted hot vintage pinup girl pics, I will be posting a hot fitness model pic, because… well… i like fitness chicks. Doubt their hotness? Go attend a NPC Bikini competition in sweatpants.

This week’s hot fitness chick of the week is Maria Kang. She deserves the nod not only for her incredible hotness, discipline, and feminine ways, but also because she is an awesome internet troll and will probably make lots of money from it. Kid’s dream girl for sure.

Wait… something’s missing. Something that would really tie this whole “best of” post together…. I KNOW! Presenting – the tumblr special snowflake of the week!

Stay classy Tumblr, always and forever 🙂

11 things I learned while abstaining from my vices for a month

Today is Tuesday, December 3rd.

No Nothing November is officially over, and this has been the single best thing I have done in a very long time.

As you recall – for November I have given up 3 things that I thought were holding me down – pot, masturbation, and unnecessary and excessive media. It has been a struggle, there have been highs, there have been lows, there have been normal days where I just thought that I was being a drama queen for pointing out the highs and lows. But right now, on the other side of this November – I feel like a completely new human being.

Here are some of the things I learned this past November.

1. If you THINK you have a problem with something, you probably do. I’ve been telling myself for ages that I smoke too much weed, that I jack off too much and that I spend too much time online. I knew this. I joked about this. But it has never been as evident to me as it is now. A vice doesn’t have to take over your life – you can still be highly functional, but you never know how functional you really CAN be until you abandon your vice for a while.
2. Routine is the easiest way for your vices to spread. When you’re doing the same thing week in and week out – its incredibly easy for vices to turn into habits. There have been many weekends that I just smoked weed by myself all day. I liked the feeling, and I knew how to handle the recovery. Heavy drinkers behave this way too. All your bad habits become normal and become seemingly insurmountable when they are anything but, because you are just so used to living with them. Your vices become a way for you to self medicate against a shitty routine, since self medicating is extremely easy.
3. Coincidentally – routine is the easiest way to get rid of your vices. When you abandon your vices you suddenly find yourself with an abundance of free time and energy, Crossfit was 85% responsible for me doing something with that time and energy. I became obsessed – and this obsession is paying off. Slowly, I realized that to fully immerse myself into Crossfit, i would have to take the rest of my routine more seriously. Meals became cleaner. Sleep became more regular. Alcohol became rare. And it started paying off in my workouts. On the flip side – If I fucked up my routine and showed up to a Crossfit session after a weekend of  debauchery and puking, it would show immediately and destroy my workout.
4. We don’t know how to relax without our vices. This was a real eye opener – I smoke, jack off and absorb myself into the media  a lot when I’m just relaxing and on my down time. It helps me turn my brain off, which is something that all of us need from time to time – a break. I can’t turn my brain off with a book – you have to engage your imagination actively when reading. TV can rile you up too. So can games. Think about it – what do you do to “turn down”? Many people grab a drink or a smoke. Learning to relax properly is an art all to itself. I need to devote more time to this because I really don’t know how to relax.  ((NOTE: I only thought of this while writing, there was a big “Whoa” moment for me typing this out. Learn something new every day))
5. Only by trying to “free” ourselves do we realize how helplessly trapped everyone else is (and we were/are). Refer to part 1 and 2. We are not the only ones struggling with our vices. We are not the only ones self medicating with drugs, alcohol, and everything else. For a lot of people – take out their vices and they would feel miserable.
6. People are not a good source of current events. I abstained from news sites, discussion boards, and just about everything else news related for a month. The results were unexpected. I thought that people, particularly girls, are opinionated and absorbed into the media as I was, but I was wrong. For example – the typhoon in the Philippines happened November 7th. I did not find out about it until weeks later. Weeks!!!! Over 5,000 people are dead, this is a tragedy, and absolutely NO ONE AROUND ME WAS TALKING ABOUT IT! Maybe it’s because we get all of our “current events” talk on the internet, and its not considered “polite conversation”, I don’t know, but finding out about this weeks after it happened certainly put many things into perspective.
7. Nothing happens in politics. I can safely say that my life is the same now as it was 1 month ago. All the political scandals, stories that I was supposed to care about, and intricacies that I used to be absorbed in mean absolutely nothing in the long run. It is insane to think about all the time and energy I wasted in, essentially, nothing.
8. Your most powerful, attractive quality is your drive. When my mind started clearing up, I noticed that I became more driven, more confidant, more relaxed. And it was showing. In November I hooked up with 2 beautiful girls, and they were the most positive hookups I have had in a long time. The sex was beautiful and intimate one second, aggressive the next. They loved it. I loved it. I could see increasingly positive responses from girls. My drive backed up everything in my life – I guess that’s what they mean when they say confidence is attractive. The fact that I was working on becoming my best self definitely showed.
9. The world still sucks. Don’t use other peoples reactions as a basis of gauging your self improvement. I fell into this trap. I felt glorious, powerful, renewed, but then I would talk to a person and just feel like they are trying to suck all the energy out of me. And, as hard as it is to admit, it worked a few times. The world sucks. It has a bunch of negative people trying to bring down everyone around them, whether they like it or not. Only you and you alone can gauge your progress.
10. Our “always plugged in” news culture is fucking us up and keeping us ignorant. Pay attention to the news you hear today. Kim Kardashian did what? Obama did what? Auburn football did what? Pay attention to the things you read on social media today. Now try to remember them one week later, or one month later. Tough, isn’t it? In our race to always be informed, we are forgetting to actually remember shit that could actually be important and relevant to our lives. Don’t believe me? Here is a story that went viral in November about fucked up police behavior.  The story is beyond fucked up and speaks to the increasingly hostile, illegal and power mad actions of the police. But guess what – it’s December 5th, and we forgot all about that shot. But did you hear about Auburn’s win over Alabama though?
11. Moderation is the hardest concept in the world to grasp. To a lot of people, it’s natural to go overboard. Right now most of my body is sore from my workout the day before – where I went all out on my deadlifts and set a new 1RM personal best, 3 sets of 10 power cleans and push jerks at 155, plus loads of pullups and pushups – all this after an extended Thanksgiving weekend. I probably could use a rest day today. I probably wont have one. And when I finally DO relax, I will probably go overboard with the relaxation. “Wooo, live hard and play hard!”. How many times have you told this to yourself, as you continue to push your extremes? How many people kill themselves in the office only to binge drink their free time away? I still want to smoke weed – I love the chillout, I love the creative spurts and the outside-the-box thinking, and it makes sex incredible, but I have to learn to control my urges. As i learned – total abstinence can lead to extreme relapses.  I used to binge drink quite often, but that’s now under control, so it is possible. I hope to someday achieve that with pot.

So, do you have any vices you’d like to abstain from?

The house always wins

I have been staring at this subject line for a little bit now. For now it says “untitled”, it might not for longer, who knows. I’ve been thinking about the conclusion of this article since I came up with it yesterday. Is there a point? Is this a positive lesson or a negative lesson? Am I happy or sad? I don’t know. At least I didn’t get crushed to death. I guess that’s as good of a place as any to begin a story.

“Little help?” – I managed to let it out before I noticed the bench press bar has rolled down to around my stomach and every last bit of my strength was being used to hold it up. A dude in the distance ran over and helped pull the bench off of me.

“Thanks for the save man”.

Well, that was embarrassing. But what did I expect? Yesterday at the gym I experienced the culmination of the last few days of my lifestyle, or rather my attempts to return to an old one. Shit, this is gonna leave a bruise. Oh well, that’s what it feels like when a fighter takes a serious body shot I guess…

I have been crushing it in the gym recently – strength, technique, endurance – have all been fueled by my newly cleaner, more energized lifestyle attributed to “No Nothing November”. With my lack of vices – the gym was slowly becoming my second home, the perfect place to let my energy and aggression out, the perfect place to, for lack of a better word, get high. The gym became my new drug.

Then last Thursday rolled around and it all went to shit. It wasn’t supposed to. I didn’t think it did. As late as yesterday I wrote about the positive experiences of my drug fueled positivity. But what really happened is that I stayed up till about 7 am, got the tiniest amount of sleep, and spent the whole next day in a weird haze. Saturday night I ended up getting drunk, Sunday I ended up being hung over, and Monday I was puking over either the remains of a hangover, or some bad food I ate during the hangover.

That bench press was doomed from the start.

And look what I did that for? Look at what I sacrificed my almost drug like euphoria of fitness for?

For a chance to show off my progress and maybe get someone else to appreciate it. Big mistake. Maybe the biggest mistake.

When I walked into the club on Thursday, with my “swag” shoes, cool looking brand name button up and swagger to match – I wasn’t anything special. What I saw were meathead guys – just big puffy dudes who later told me about their steroid cycles, tall guys – at 6’2 I don’t see many people on average taller than me, here it was a constant, fashionable guys – whose stylish hair and stylish closes made me wonder if they were fashion pros, and we were all in this outdoor smoking area, solo.

We all outnumbered the women in this club, and we were trying to jostle for position to holla at em. We were figuratively fighting for scraps. I saw a girl with a fat roll hanging out of her crop top being surrounded by 3 guys. And this was in the middle of the Meatpacking district. What the hell was going on?

Saturday I decided to take it to the next level.

Incredibly stylish dress shoes. Designer jeans. Designer shirt. And to top it off – a $1500 Armani suit jacket (which I paid $30 for in a thrift store, but still). I was giving off the highest levels of swag possible. There was no way this night was going to be bad.

It was. It felt like every other guy was dressed as fashionably as I was, and that this bar probably hosted a basketball tournament or something because at 6’2 I was being dwarfed again constantly.

Nothing I did seemed to matter.

The fact that I went so hard on a crossfit workout once that it tore the skin off my palms, and I covered it with athletic tape for a week – that did not matter. The fact that I can speak 3 languages fluently, once rigged a reality show for fun, have a close, tight knit family and am working on my own business – does not matter. The fact that I wore a fucking $1500 jacket did not matter. Everything I did to improve myself went out the window – because it seemed like everyone else there was doing some variation of that too. Or at least looked like it did. The night ended in another sausage fest with mediocre girls getting all the attention from these fantastic men.

And they say we live in a society where men have it easy.

No more.

How much better would I have done at these 2 places if I didn’t go through these changes? If I were weaker, fatter, less charming, less stylish, what would happen?

Well, it couldn’t have been worse.

No more.

This rejection, this burning need inside of me to grow and become a better person – it was started because of failure, particularly failure with women.

But now I see that I wasn’t just failing. I was set up to fail from the beginning. It was like being in a casino – the house always wins. You might win a few games, you might even clean up from time to time, or become a “professional gambler” but the house always wins.

I love the person I am and the person I am becoming. I know that this is an attractive person. I know from experience – given about 2 hours with a beautiful ex ballet dancer last week she was in my apartment and we were hooking up.

The only way to beat this female run dating casino is to open your own.

Yes, American women routinely believe that they are on the short end of the dating stick. But instead of trying to show them what real hardship looks like – we should examine why they believe that way. For them it is the same casino. The house always wins. So every guy inside a sausage fest, no matter how fit, rich, fashionable, tall, charming – is a loser because he has to try. They all pine for that guy who is a product of his favorable environment – the athlete, the celebrity, the CEO, not realizing that without these external factors of environmental validation – they are just some other well dressed guy in a sausage fest hitting on them.

Now imagine this guy hitting on a girl in the sausage fest known as midtown NYC (or the guido club heaven – Cielo). First off – he is short, at 5’7 there are plenty of girls that wouldn’t even give him the time of day. He has a really high hairline. He is dressed in a really basic polo shirt. He has absolutely no visible muscles to speak of. He looks soft and unintimidating.

Let’s give this guy a makeover shall we?

That’s more like it. If you were wondering – that is Andres Iniesta, a man who plays for Barcelona – arguably the best football club in the world, and the Spanish national team – arguably the best national team in the world. He is rich, he is successful, he is athletic, and as I have shown, even he would be lost in a shitty sausagefest.

So what’s the solution to this latest problem of mine? I guess it’s twofold.

1 – create as many favorable situations for yourself as you can. Remember – women still believe they have the short end of the dating stick. Put yourself in situations where you have no choice as to be perceived as a standout. Sometimes its easy. Sometimes its hard. But in all of the time – the payoff is great.

2 – stop trying to mack in extremely unfavorable situations. Don’t do it. No matter who you are, where you’re from, what situation in life you are currently in – you will likely lose and it will bruise your ego.

I’m glad I made sense out of these thoughts. Who would have thought it? Especially since when I started writing it I had no title and no conclusion… Guess I really am changing for the better.

No Nothing November – Media vs Molly

The hardest thing to give up in November so far has been the unnecessary media, hands down. Smoking and jacking off can be curbed with activities, but the media can draw your eye at any second.

Got 5 seconds? Check your twitter. Oh – your phone is telling you someone commented on your pictures. Ok – what’s the latest most outrageous article of the day. Oh look, cracked and buzzfeed have another list. Hey, uproxx is once again drawing you with a video with an overexaggerated title. Lovely. Where did the last hour go?

Companies and individuals endlessly compete for your eyes and your attention, and want you to keep coming back for more. Sometimes, you get emotionally invested. Just look at the random threats of violence and extreme disbelief over the latest Return Of Kings article (I think the latest one is about 5 reasons you should date a girl with an eating disorder. Ooooh, also in list form. )

The emotional investment nowadays is key – it has been shown that you get a positive addictive reaction when you encounter something you agree with (yeah, another list but worth the read). Big media knows what its doing, and its making you angry.

And it was making me angry.  I have identified it before, but never have I realized what a big role it played in my life till last Thursday.

For a friends birthday, we were all in a Meatpacking district guido techno music club, and I just popped a Molly. I have done it three previous times – twice while pre smoking it, turning the experience excellent – and once without pre smoking it in a really bad environment, making it decidedly less fun.

I knew that it was about to kick in, but I didn’t realize how hard it would. Every single worry seemed to have disappeared from my brain, like they were magically swiped away by an all powerful wizard. I tried to think negative thoughts, but I couldn’t. Everything was magical, everything was beautiful. Heck, I felt positive enough to break my twitter embargo. I wanted to share this positivity with the world. But I’d start with a few girls. After all, in my current state – shit tests didn’t exist, rejection didn’t exist, only goodness, and goodness needed to be spread.

In my drug trip i didn’t even notice what was happening around me – I was being rejected, over and over and over again. I got one number, was dancing till my hearts content, and talking to people to my hearts content. And the ending – nothing.

But I did not care – I felt good, I felt positive, even if it was artificial. And the trouble was – I have felt this feeling before naturally – this is the feeling you get when you experience the highest of highs in life. From a personal accomplishment, to experiencing beauty, Molly didn’t awaken any new feelings, it just revived them. They were dulled into submission – but why?

Media. The negativity we encounter in our daily lives has been holding me prisoner. It is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night, and its entire goal was to make me feel bad and dependent.

Saturday evening I made a choice – I decided to do all my approaches as positive as I could – writing off my lack of success Thursday as just me being in a bad guido club.

And guess what – I failed again. This beautiful, life affirming, smile inducing glow that I was trying to spread had the opposite effect – I was just shunned and ignored!

How can something positive really be such a hindrance around women?

Are they bad at processing good emotions? Do they need bad emotions to survive and to feel alive? Was I just doing an updated version of the dreaded “nice guy game” when I was talking to them all positive?

Who knows. But I still like this feeling. But I also like being informed. So from now on – I am changing my news sources.

The first step – reorganizing my Reddit. Gone are the pictures, funnies, and pictures of girls with inner thigh gaps. Gone are the heavily slanted political opinions. World news are in, “best of” content is in, articles are in. The media can be a poison but it can also be medicine, but all medicine can kill you.

I will vary my media doses and make sure that I don’t get bothered by anything I read. After all, my media free month has been pretty introspective so far, and very peaceful. I would like to keep it that way.

And if I need some negativety, I can always get it from women 🙂

No Nothing November – Day 14 – Random thoughts

This post is just a little bit of verbal diarrhea of things I wanted to share and talk about.

I have never done moderation well. This extreme vice detox might be everything that I needed.

It feels weird being uninformed. I have stayed off media sources big and small, and have only gone on twitter when I post here, and on facebook when I check event locations. I know nothing about what is going on outside of me. The world could be ending and I wouldn’t know it.

On the flip side the world has been ending for as long as I can remember. Sensationalist media has been blaming the “other guy” for ages. However the sun is still out, the sky is still blue and those two little dots on a womans lower back are still adorable.

Thank goodness for my Crossfit gym. I can just take my lack of moderation over there. I have never felt so incredibly frustrated, challenged and satisfied at the same time. Oh, you got a 373 pound 1 rep max on the deadlift? Try climbing this rope without using your legs. You’re hot shit on a rower? Let’s see you do a Turkish getup… with a barbell. The challenge is constant and the victories are satisfying. Thank you crossfit.

Crossfit and macking have one thing in common. It’s really difficult to get a good snatch.

Thanks for the drum roll Benny. That was corny of me

Pot has been surprisingly easy to give up so far. I’ve grown dependent on its calming effects, but now I feel more in charge of my own mood and it feels great. It would still be awesome to learn how to use it in moderation, but that’s all in due time.

I hate to say it, but ignorance really does seem to be bliss.

Day game is still the weakest part of my arsenal. Over the last few days I saw some model pretty girls on the street or the subway. One of them even had a folder from Frame Model Management. I tried. I failed.

I need to step up my game with those “maximum beauty” girls. They made me stop dead in my tracks, but they are absolutely rare. The one subway model was leagues prettier than any of the girls I talked to this past Saturday at a bar. I don’t have the night connections to meet these girls. I will have to use the daytime.

I’m going to a club tonight for a friends birthday and I’m pretty excited. It’s in the infamous meat packing district, the “top tier” of NYCs club scene. I even got my nice shoes ready. We’ll see what happens.

I am genuinely not interested in the PS4 or the XBOXOne at this point. Probably the only game I would buy at this point is Ultra Street Fighter 4.

I watched RAW with my roommate on Monday. I figure it didn’t fall into the “unnecessary media” trope because its something that I’m doing socially, and it’s something with a strict time limit (Internet, social media, video games, on the flip side, never end). Coincidentally, it was one of the best RAWs I’ve seen in a while. Maybe the fact that I enjoyed it with another person and not with the internet had something to do with it.

The day before, I came home at around 11:45 pm and heard him making angry noises from his room. As expected – he was having a bad game of League of Legends and was about to start another one. I recognized what this was, since I went through the exact same experiences with Madden – an average match takes 40 minutes or more, many things are out of your control and sometimes it frustrates the shit out of you. So you play one more. And you lose again. Ok, one more. And you win! Well, since I’m on a streak, I’ll play one more. And you get blown out. Ok I can’t go to bed like this – one more! Before you know it – its 6:40 am, you have spent all night angrily playing, and work is about to start soon.  I told him to step away and to watch some TV with me in the living room. He did. He went to sleep shortly after. The next evening, he thanked me for what I did.

I guess that’s it for now. I’ll post something more coherent soon 🙂

No Nothing November – Day 11 – Relapse and Recovery

Relapse.

I thought of “No Nothing November” on Thursday, October 31st after a day of immense introspection. It was a rash decision based on rash thinking, but I was determined to follow through. I was on a high.

But for every high there is a low, I knew they would be there, I knew I would have to deal with them, but I was not prepared for exactly what would happen.

Right after I wrote my last post, I went to a New Jersey Devils hockey game, followed by this super hipster party I’ve been hearing about for a few weeks. The Devils game sparked the theme for the rest of the evening – close, agonizing defeat.

1-0. Close. But the result is still the same – a loss in the stats column. But so close.

As I got to the party, I felt about as frustrated as the Devils must have felt, being down to their Philadelphia rivals. My libido has yet to fully climb back up since the start of No Nothing November, so I just felt like I was wasting time at this party. Everyone seemed to have already known each other, 90% of the guests were in Halloween outfits and I was just kind of there, on the outside looking in, which felt incredibly strange because I usually love hipster parties and have no problem going to them alone. But something in my brain felt different that day.

I tried to soldier on, but things kept getting worse. I had a great conversation with a girl for about a good 5-10 minutes, we talked about religions role throughout history and today, uplifting stuff. And just as we were making a connection, her hotter friend shows up, leans over to me and asks me if I had Molly. I answered that I did not.

“If you don’t have Molly, no”. This bitch was serious. as soon as she said that, she aggressively grabbed her friend that I was speaking to and pulled her into another room. It was over in moments before I had a chance to react. I was pissed.

I guess you could say it was a perfect storm for a relapse. Because at that exact moment I saw a group of people smoking weed in the room. I joined them. I needed that instant happiness. If I didn’t, I would find more shit to get mad about.

So I smoked.

And fuck it felt good, the anger instantly disappeared and I was suddenly happy. Yes. My happiness was chemical.

I decided to make the best of this situation and see if I could at least use my stoned happiness to meet some girls. My libido was still burned out and it showed. Strikeout after strikeout after strikeout, I was like A-Rod in the playoffs.

Before I knew it, the party was over, I was high as Snoop on a regular day and I was no closer to getting laid. I was disappointed, and I had a lot of time to think about it because I had to commute from the Northern most tip of Greenpoint Brooklyn all the way up to the Upper East Side on a late night train schedule.

So what just happened? Should I even consider continuing No Nothing November at this point? Did I fuck it all up? What should I do?

By the time I got home it was already too late. I knew that I had two choices for the next day. I could either wallow in my own failure from the night before while nursing the inevitable hangover. Or I could get high all day.

And I did. That entire day Sunday I smoked and I got exactly what I wanted from it – the relaxed introspection that I so desperately needed. Sure, what you’re doing now feels good, but take the positivity you experienced today and spread it.

When I started No Nothing November, it was based on a twitchy, frustrating whim with half a day before beginning it. I did not have any time to say goodbye to my vices.

So that Sunday I did. I got baked like I never got baked before. I gave pot its proper farewell, and was ready to take on the world the next day, knowing that now, it wont be a twitchy frustrated kid taking on the world, it will be a grown ass man. I was ready. And I was not going to post until I accomplished something.

Recovery. 

Monday I woke up, put on my clothes and went to work. My head was still a little bit hazy from the day before, but it helped ease me into the work day. There were some work issues that some hapless managers were upset about. I solved them in seconds. I brought my copy of “The Game” and was reading it at work. No twitter, no facebook, no extra internet. This was almost too easy.

By Tuesday I was a full fledged machine – breezed through work, put in a bunch of time on my side projects, read a good bit and dominated at the gym. My snatch numbers were slowly going up, and my shoulder was not bothering me at all. I was beginning to feel fantastic.

On Wednesday evening I decided to grab some beers with a friend of mine. With the absence of the “unnecessary media” – I had no conversational outlet besides my fellow human beings. This felt way better than bitching about politics on the internet. Even better than playing Grand Theft Auto 5.

On Thursday night I had a date. The date flaked at the last second. No spike in anger or emotion happened. This felt incredible.

That’s about how positive I was

Friday night I had a date with a different girl. By this point, I was going on many many days without sexual release. I was excited, energetic and focused. This girl had absolutely no chance. Two and a half hours after the start of our date this girl was on my couch telling me the magic words – “I don’t usually do this”. Sure.

I was proud of myself, I had gotten my libido back, I haven’t relapsed in any way since that faithful Sunday. But it wasn’t over, I needed to make it past the weekend.

On Saturday I made plans to hang out with fellow “Manospherian”  SparksPhilly and a friend of his who were in NYC for the day. I had a wonderful time. We did what all men do (or should do) – discuss everything from  sports to politics to girls, got heavily fucked up, and macked girls to our hearts content. I wont lie – we all went down swinging (sure, we all got some numbers, but what are numbers in 2013?), but we had fun doing it, and we did it while bridging the gap from internet to real life.

I am excited. No Nothing November is turning out to be a great success, and I am hungry for more. Who knew that all I had to do to say goodbye to my vices was to throw them a going away party? I guess I do now.

But here is what I have to say to you, fateful reader (or guy that stumbled here randomly) – there will not be another relapse. I am now going strong and embracing every day. I am learning the kind of lessons you can learn when you change something drastic in your life. I’m growing.

Oh, and what about Sunday? The easiest day in the world to relapse because there is usually nothing to do? I enjoyed it – slept in, read a bunch, and ended it the same way that my relapse and recovery began – by going to a New Jersey Devils hockey game. They dominated by a score of 5-0. It almost felt poetic.

Oh, and if you’re wondering – No Nothing November will keep going with a few extra days to make up for my relapse. This is the best thing I have done for myself in a very long time

No Nothing November – Day 2 – This will be difficult

It has only been one day, ONE DAY, since I started “No Nothing November” and already I am seeing how difficult it’s going to be. However, these difficulties are making me learn a lot about myself, so I am incredibly thankful for that.

The last time I smoked weed was this past Sunday, almost a week ago.  I have never thought of myself as a seriously habitual marijuana user, hell, there’s some people that smoke it literally every day, start their work days with a wake and bake, and end up spending hundreds of dollars like it’s nothing. I was never at that stage (although I did wake and bake at my job a few times, but we’re talking 3-4 times in ALL the time I worked there).

However, I have come to realize that I have been relying on pot as the end all be all cure for everything that ails me.

Girl problems? Just blaze.

Work problems? Just blaze.

Feeling sick? Just blaze.

Feeling bored? Just blaze.

Even if I am not a daily smoker, the fact that I know I can rely on pot to chill me out if I REALLY need it is ingrained in the back of my mind.

Yesterday – there was a work emergency at my job. A real emergency that only I could solve and it needed to be solved ASAP. I got a phone call about it around 6:40, smack in the middle of my crossfit session. And yes, I had my phone on me during my workout because I needed to calculate my squatting percentages.

I became enraged. How dare they interrupt my workout? How DARE they waste my valuable time. And yes – that was a good point, but the anger was so intense it almost felt like I had tunnel vision. I recognized it, tried to manually change my mood, realize the stupidity of this blind anger, but I couldn’t. Had this happened on another day, I could have simply said “don’t worry, you can blaze after”. Simple. Effective. But now I had to deal with my anger without that magic “light switch” that, when turned on, instantly elevates my mood and makes me not worry about anything.

I don’t want to be angry. I hate anger. I don’t know if I mentioned this on the blog before, but my father was a rather short tempered violent person. He would snap seemingly out of nowhere and take it out on me. My childhood can be summed up as a giant game of “don’t piss off dad”. My best days were Saturdays and Sundays where he had to work weekends, and I wouldn’t have to worry about him being around the house. My childhood hockey games set the mood for the rest of the weekend, and if I dared to have a bad game, he would take it out on me the entire day, then blame me for everything wrong with the family. One time in the car, he grabbed me by the back of the head and slammed my face against the dashboard, then threatened to move the entire family back to Russia saying “this is only the beginning”. Another time, he threw one of those thick paperback books and hit me right in the ear, opening up a giant cut. Once he gave me a black eye and told me to say that I got into a fight at hockey practice if someone at school asks.

I hate him. My entire goal in life is to not be like him. I haven’t spoken to him in 9 years. Shit, my “nice guy syndrome” was derived half from the extreme approval seeking behavior I grew up with and half from promising myself that I would never treat women in the way he treated my mother.  And every time I get angry, every time I rage,  I become terrified because I see his anger in me, that I am becoming him, that I am truly his son, and that is terrifying.

I like myself now. I like that I am chilled out, I like that I’m optimistic, and I know that pot had a HUGE influence on that. I just need to be that person without weed. I guess November will show me what I’m made of. I love weed, but it can’t be my crutch any longer.