The hardest thing to give up in November so far has been the unnecessary media, hands down. Smoking and jacking off can be curbed with activities, but the media can draw your eye at any second.
Got 5 seconds? Check your twitter. Oh – your phone is telling you someone commented on your pictures. Ok – what’s the latest most outrageous article of the day. Oh look, cracked and buzzfeed have another list. Hey, uproxx is once again drawing you with a video with an overexaggerated title. Lovely. Where did the last hour go?
Companies and individuals endlessly compete for your eyes and your attention, and want you to keep coming back for more. Sometimes, you get emotionally invested. Just look at the random threats of violence and extreme disbelief over the latest Return Of Kings article (I think the latest one is about 5 reasons you should date a girl with an eating disorder. Ooooh, also in list form. )
The emotional investment nowadays is key – it has been shown that you get a positive addictive reaction when you encounter something you agree with (yeah, another list but worth the read). Big media knows what its doing, and its making you angry.
And it was making me angry. I have identified it before, but never have I realized what a big role it played in my life till last Thursday.
For a friends birthday, we were all in a Meatpacking district guido techno music club, and I just popped a Molly. I have done it three previous times – twice while pre smoking it, turning the experience excellent – and once without pre smoking it in a really bad environment, making it decidedly less fun.
I knew that it was about to kick in, but I didn’t realize how hard it would. Every single worry seemed to have disappeared from my brain, like they were magically swiped away by an all powerful wizard. I tried to think negative thoughts, but I couldn’t. Everything was magical, everything was beautiful. Heck, I felt positive enough to break my twitter embargo. I wanted to share this positivity with the world. But I’d start with a few girls. After all, in my current state – shit tests didn’t exist, rejection didn’t exist, only goodness, and goodness needed to be spread.
In my drug trip i didn’t even notice what was happening around me – I was being rejected, over and over and over again. I got one number, was dancing till my hearts content, and talking to people to my hearts content. And the ending – nothing.
But I did not care – I felt good, I felt positive, even if it was artificial. And the trouble was – I have felt this feeling before naturally – this is the feeling you get when you experience the highest of highs in life. From a personal accomplishment, to experiencing beauty, Molly didn’t awaken any new feelings, it just revived them. They were dulled into submission – but why?
Media. The negativity we encounter in our daily lives has been holding me prisoner. It is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night, and its entire goal was to make me feel bad and dependent.
Saturday evening I made a choice – I decided to do all my approaches as positive as I could – writing off my lack of success Thursday as just me being in a bad guido club.
And guess what – I failed again. This beautiful, life affirming, smile inducing glow that I was trying to spread had the opposite effect – I was just shunned and ignored!
How can something positive really be such a hindrance around women?
Are they bad at processing good emotions? Do they need bad emotions to survive and to feel alive? Was I just doing an updated version of the dreaded “nice guy game” when I was talking to them all positive?
Who knows. But I still like this feeling. But I also like being informed. So from now on – I am changing my news sources.
The first step – reorganizing my Reddit. Gone are the pictures, funnies, and pictures of girls with inner thigh gaps. Gone are the heavily slanted political opinions. World news are in, “best of” content is in, articles are in. The media can be a poison but it can also be medicine, but all medicine can kill you.
I will vary my media doses and make sure that I don’t get bothered by anything I read. After all, my media free month has been pretty introspective so far, and very peaceful. I would like to keep it that way.
And if I need some negativety, I can always get it from women 🙂