No Nothing November – Day 11 – Relapse and Recovery

Relapse.

I thought of “No Nothing November” on Thursday, October 31st after a day of immense introspection. It was a rash decision based on rash thinking, but I was determined to follow through. I was on a high.

But for every high there is a low, I knew they would be there, I knew I would have to deal with them, but I was not prepared for exactly what would happen.

Right after I wrote my last post, I went to a New Jersey Devils hockey game, followed by this super hipster party I’ve been hearing about for a few weeks. The Devils game sparked the theme for the rest of the evening – close, agonizing defeat.

1-0. Close. But the result is still the same – a loss in the stats column. But so close.

As I got to the party, I felt about as frustrated as the Devils must have felt, being down to their Philadelphia rivals. My libido has yet to fully climb back up since the start of No Nothing November, so I just felt like I was wasting time at this party. Everyone seemed to have already known each other, 90% of the guests were in Halloween outfits and I was just kind of there, on the outside looking in, which felt incredibly strange because I usually love hipster parties and have no problem going to them alone. But something in my brain felt different that day.

I tried to soldier on, but things kept getting worse. I had a great conversation with a girl for about a good 5-10 minutes, we talked about religions role throughout history and today, uplifting stuff. And just as we were making a connection, her hotter friend shows up, leans over to me and asks me if I had Molly. I answered that I did not.

“If you don’t have Molly, no”. This bitch was serious. as soon as she said that, she aggressively grabbed her friend that I was speaking to and pulled her into another room. It was over in moments before I had a chance to react. I was pissed.

I guess you could say it was a perfect storm for a relapse. Because at that exact moment I saw a group of people smoking weed in the room. I joined them. I needed that instant happiness. If I didn’t, I would find more shit to get mad about.

So I smoked.

And fuck it felt good, the anger instantly disappeared and I was suddenly happy. Yes. My happiness was chemical.

I decided to make the best of this situation and see if I could at least use my stoned happiness to meet some girls. My libido was still burned out and it showed. Strikeout after strikeout after strikeout, I was like A-Rod in the playoffs.

Before I knew it, the party was over, I was high as Snoop on a regular day and I was no closer to getting laid. I was disappointed, and I had a lot of time to think about it because I had to commute from the Northern most tip of Greenpoint Brooklyn all the way up to the Upper East Side on a late night train schedule.

So what just happened? Should I even consider continuing No Nothing November at this point? Did I fuck it all up? What should I do?

By the time I got home it was already too late. I knew that I had two choices for the next day. I could either wallow in my own failure from the night before while nursing the inevitable hangover. Or I could get high all day.

And I did. That entire day Sunday I smoked and I got exactly what I wanted from it – the relaxed introspection that I so desperately needed. Sure, what you’re doing now feels good, but take the positivity you experienced today and spread it.

When I started No Nothing November, it was based on a twitchy, frustrating whim with half a day before beginning it. I did not have any time to say goodbye to my vices.

So that Sunday I did. I got baked like I never got baked before. I gave pot its proper farewell, and was ready to take on the world the next day, knowing that now, it wont be a twitchy frustrated kid taking on the world, it will be a grown ass man. I was ready. And I was not going to post until I accomplished something.

Recovery. 

Monday I woke up, put on my clothes and went to work. My head was still a little bit hazy from the day before, but it helped ease me into the work day. There were some work issues that some hapless managers were upset about. I solved them in seconds. I brought my copy of “The Game” and was reading it at work. No twitter, no facebook, no extra internet. This was almost too easy.

By Tuesday I was a full fledged machine – breezed through work, put in a bunch of time on my side projects, read a good bit and dominated at the gym. My snatch numbers were slowly going up, and my shoulder was not bothering me at all. I was beginning to feel fantastic.

On Wednesday evening I decided to grab some beers with a friend of mine. With the absence of the “unnecessary media” – I had no conversational outlet besides my fellow human beings. This felt way better than bitching about politics on the internet. Even better than playing Grand Theft Auto 5.

On Thursday night I had a date. The date flaked at the last second. No spike in anger or emotion happened. This felt incredible.

That's about how positive I was

That’s about how positive I was

Friday night I had a date with a different girl. By this point, I was going on many many days without sexual release. I was excited, energetic and focused. This girl had absolutely no chance. Two and a half hours after the start of our date this girl was on my couch telling me the magic words – “I don’t usually do this”. Sure.

coldasshonkey

I was proud of myself, I had gotten my libido back, I haven’t relapsed in any way since that faithful Sunday. But it wasn’t over, I needed to make it past the weekend.

On Saturday I made plans to hang out with fellow “Manospherian”  SparksPhilly and a friend of his who were in NYC for the day. I had a wonderful time. We did what all men do (or should do) – discuss everything from  sports to politics to girls, got heavily fucked up, and macked girls to our hearts content. I wont lie – we all went down swinging (sure, we all got some numbers, but what are numbers in 2013?), but we had fun doing it, and we did it while bridging the gap from internet to real life.

I am excited. No Nothing November is turning out to be a great success, and I am hungry for more. Who knew that all I had to do to say goodbye to my vices was to throw them a going away party? I guess I do now.

But here is what I have to say to you, fateful reader (or guy that stumbled here randomly) – there will not be another relapse. I am now going strong and embracing every day. I am learning the kind of lessons you can learn when you change something drastic in your life. I’m growing.

Oh, and what about Sunday? The easiest day in the world to relapse because there is usually nothing to do? I enjoyed it – slept in, read a bunch, and ended it the same way that my relapse and recovery began – by going to a New Jersey Devils hockey game. They dominated by a score of 5-0. It almost felt poetic.

Oh, and if you’re wondering – No Nothing November will keep going with a few extra days to make up for my relapse. This is the best thing I have done for myself in a very long time

This entry was posted in No Nothing November. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to No Nothing November – Day 11 – Relapse and Recovery

  1. rivsdiary says:

    great post man! inspiring.

    “Strikeout after strikeout after strikeout, I was like A-Rod in the playoffs.”

    hilarious.

  2. Pingback: The house always wins | Kid Strangelove

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s