Rough vs Soft: Part 2 – Soft

NOTE: This is continued from part 1

“You get the kind of girls you go after”. I don’t remember who said that to me. But those words struck a chord. Or maybe i just imagined someone telling this to me? I’m not sure. But I started to notice a few peculiar events happening around me:

  • My pair of married friends, who I’ve referenced in this blog before, kept doing cooler and cooler shit together, and not falling into the stereotypical marriage traps. Case and point  – me, the husband and another friend all went on vacation for an extended weekend together. All of his work colleagues kept saying shit like “how did your wife allow you to go on vacation with a notorious player friend”. Because she trusts us and we’re all cool, that’s how.
  • Two more good friends of mine were getting married (yep, from this post). They were about as different from the other couple as you can get, but they love each other and were always incredibly supportive.
  • A friend of mine, who happens to be a PUA instructor, met a girl and fell in love with her, and won her over with sappy romantic shit and dinners.
  • And finally, Timeout New York released their list of stuff to do in the city in the summer. (HERE)

That last one really hit me, because I was still a hopeless romantic at heart, and wanted a cool girl to enjoy doing all that cool shit with. These are not carefully planned first date outings, these are activities you enjoy with a partner, so I figured, what the hell, time to find a partner and wine and dine her “properly”. After all, my current ways were getting me girls that loved being beat up and humiliated, so something had to change.

I knew that this approached was high risk – a lot of my past experience told me so, but I wasn’t the same sappy kid I used to be, before the last time I tried dating like a “gentleman”. I had experience, attitude and swagger. I figured that I have amassed enough of it to be that perfect combination of “cool” and “gentleman” that would lead to incredible results. And, to be honest, I missed certain things about my ex – having someone care for you, share your struggles and successes with, someone you can just cuddle and will make your worries go away immediately. I was ready.

Watch out ladies, the confident, yet caring man of your dreams was on the loose.

It went exactly like you would expect.

3 different girls – each one of them taken on “dates”, each one of them properly talked to and texted, each one of them treated like women say they want to be treated when you read stupid shit on pinterest. NOW, LETS SEE THE STATS!

  • Girl 1 – 24 year old aspiring writer that worked for a publishing company –  went on 4 dates, lots of makeouts, no sex. She told me after the 4th date that I was a bit to serious for her tasted and she was looking for something more casual. She actually paid for a few things along the way and i could kind of see that we weren’t a good match.
  • Girl 2 – 22 year old i met on Okcupid. We messaged each other for nearly a month, but her work commitments, then my commitments to go to my friends wedding kept delaying our meetup. We were supposed to meet but she cancelled on me 10 minutes before our meetup time. I played the “understanding gentleman” card and met up with her for lunch on a weekend. We had a fantastic lunch date and made arrangements to see each other again. She never contacted me back after that.
  • Girl 3 – 26 year old that works in fashion and was training for a fitness competition (if you follow me, you know I LOVE fitness chicks). This was the single best first date I’ve ever had. We ate, played mini golf, and made like 60 different stops around Manhattan to hang out. We were practically finishing each others sentences. That night a friend of mine was going to a birthday event, so we tagged along – she proceeded to make nice with all of my friends. Multiple EXACT plans to hang out were made. We made out. I was preparing to delete all the numbers I acquired that week. The next day, I get a text saying that she’s “not really ready to date right now” because her work and training were taking up all of her time. I’m devastated… for about an hour. I then realize that it is time to put an end to this masochistic experience.

I can already hear people say “but 3 girls isn’t big enough for a sample size!”. And they’re right, it isn’t. But I live in Manhattan and my living expense are high, so I had to stop this shit for my wallet’s sake.

So, what can we learn from this sample? Well, let’s look at the numbers and statistics:

0 or 0% – The amount of times I had sex and the percentage of these girls that I’ve had sex with. Being a gentleman did not get me laid.

1 or 33% – the number of times I got a 2nd date after being a gentleman. This is the truly shocking number, as 2 of those girls wanted nothing to do with me after I took them out “gentleman” style. Being a gentleman barely gets you 2nd dates. These girls didn’t even want to hang out and spend more of my money on themselves.

2 or 66% – The girls I made out with. The makeout did not guarantee anything – the first girl I went out with a few more time, the 2nd dropped me completely  the next day.

3 0r 100% – The girls I made plans to hang out with in the future before they broke it off or ceased communication. All by text (or lack their of) . Gentlemen are not the dumper, they are the “dump-ee”. The course of the relationship was completely out of my hands. Note that ALL of these girls were attracted to me enough to go on a date with me in the first place, but my actions resulted in me being dumped each time.

The youngest, hottest of these girls also gave it to me the worst – the 22 year old cancelled on me last minute, was late to our lunch date, didn’t pay or much less offer to pay for anything, no makeout, and didn’t answer calls or texts after that day. Gentlemen don’t punish girls for bad behavior, and it was paid back tenfold.

The oldest, most compatible girl pushed me aside because of “career” – like I said, I have never been on a better first date. We were finishing each others sentences, we were compatible in all of our views, we made each other think… but in the end I was brushed off because my eagerness to get to know her better would have interfered with her career and training, and she just couldn’t have that.

It was a mess. A giant sexless, expensive mess that I had absolutely no desire to continue. No wonder all the people that dated “regularly” constantly worked on their careers – it’s incredibly money consuming to date like a gentleman.

So I am stuck at a crossroad – I hated witnessing the vile nature of human relationships when I was “running my game”, but I also hated the celibacy and monetary losses associated with being a “gentleman”. There seems to be no right way, it’s just a choice between the lesser of two evils. Which one was I going to choose?

…. CONTINUED IN PART 3

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9 Responses to Rough vs Soft: Part 2 – Soft

  1. Pingback: Rough vs Soft. Part 1 – Rough | Kid Strangelove

  2. anon says:

    so what type of dates should one be running? going to get a drink at a lounge/bar, bounce to other venues, F-close at your place?

  3. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You – 7-29-12 | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

  4. xclampa says:

    This is something different.

    You don’t sound like the manosphere… Not the logical, anti-feministic part. They’ve got game they can teach, but sometimes they’re too negative. You sound real on the other hand. I’m sorry it’s been this rough on you.

    I can’t wait for part 3.

  5. Pingback: Rough vs Soft: Part 3 – Fun and Expectation | Kid Strangelove

  6. The Quest For 50 says:

    This was a gut-wrenching post. Pretty much every guy in the Manosphere wants to be a nice guy at heart, and get girls the “right” way.

    But you’ve confirmed for us again how our society is broken, and we have no choice but to be the most inconsiderate assholes possible in order to get laid. It’s also our best chance for relationships, as girls will fall in love with you when you start inciting their emotions and fucking them hard. It won’t be as fulfilling because we can’t truly let our guard down and be open during the beginning stages, but it’s the best we can do in the current cultural climate.

  7. Pingback: Bang Ukraine Review. | Kid Strangelove

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