It was around Christmas time a few years ago, and, as usual, I was killing myself at the gym. On Thursdays, there was a kickboxing class taught by a actual fighter, so this was no fluffy Tae Bo, this was bag work, sprints, kicking, and for me – a shirt completely soaked through in sweat.
I was absolutely exhausted, ready to head home, eat something and pass out. But then I see a woman from the class jump on an elliptical machine. Wait, didn’t she just go through the same hour of hell that I just did, that is freaking impressive! So I came up to her, with no ulterior motive, and said “hey, sorry to interrupt, but it’s really amazing to see you do MORE stuff after that class, your energy level is unreal. How do you do it?”
Her answer still rings with me to this day.
“I always make sure to reward myself a little, no matter what I do. This keep me motivated, and even when I’m drained, I keep pushing to really earn that reward. What do you do to reward yourself?“
I didn’t have an answer, because, to be honest, I never thought about rewarding myself. All of my rewards were external – the fitness rewards came from people telling me I look better, the professional rewards came from getting paid and getting praise, and everything good I did had to be viewed through another persons eyes. This was wrong.
After the gym I went home and played video games for 2 hours, because that was my reward for the night. And I fucking loved it.
But in the world of dating and macking, there has always been “intermediate” rewards that made you feel good. From getting her to laugh for the first time, to exchanging numbers, to calling the number, to going on a date, to having a great time on the date, to that repeating until you had sex or a relationship, everything seemed to have been laid out for us.
But not in 2012. Now, there are no guarantees when it comes to girls. We have all had phone numbers that are dead, dates that get flaked on, excuses that are given over and over. In 2012, nothing seems certain with a woman until you had sex. And that paints a pretty bleak picture. Interactions have no certainty, phone numbers have no certainty, dates have no certainty.
I joked to my friends last week, saying “hey, remember in 2002 when getting a girls phone number actually meant something?”.
So, in 2012, in your pursuit of sex, its up to you to make your own rewards. And yes, many of those interactions will lead nowhere, but any action at all is better than no action. And whatever positive energy you gain from your reward, you can carry it over to other parts of your life, and let your positivity, happiness and energy lead you to success.
2 weeks ago I spot an absolute hottie waiting for a train. She was tall, skinny, and had a visible gap. I was hung over and dressed in clothes too warm for 100 degree weather (I partied and passed out with friends the night before), I was sweaty, nervous. But I said something. Before I know it i find out she’s a model that just arrived to NYC, and she barely knows the city and is lost. I take her where she needs to go and we exchange numbers.
I’d like to tell you this story had a happy ending. I’d like to tell you that me and this model made sweet love then had breakfast and went to New York’s tourist landmarks. I’d like to say that, but I can’t. She never responded to my texts. Overall it was a failure.
But was it? I battled the odds, and successively hit on a gorgeous girl in the subway (no small task), while nearly dying from my hangover. I am super proud of that, no mater the final outcome, and the energy from that interaction has carried me and made my next interactions with girls all that much better.
So what’s the lesson here? Be proud of what you’ve done and reward yourself, because you deserve it, and noone else is gonna do that for you. Sure, life might seem all or nothing, and in an all or nothing scenario, results might seem impossibly far, but by acknowledging and celebrating every single milestone along the way, those goals seem to get just a bit closer every time.
I leave you with the most inspiring fitness pic ever.