I am stuck

Come on come all and behold –  for I am the ultimate in first world problems.

I am 27 year old and I have been working in the same place college graduation in December 2005. I matured slowly, and my career was never my priority, video games and pussy were, but now 6 years later I am in the same job, that i kind of don’t want to leave because this 9-5:30 has me doing about 30 minutes of actual work a week. When it comes to pure hourly wages, I am the richest person I know. Yet, the waking up, the office bullshit and politics and the corporate mismanagement, and just the little every day things are picking at my skin.

I live in NYC – the greatest city in the world, and I never feel like I have enough money.

Yet I am blessed, and I say this in the truest meaning of the word. I have an amazing family that cares for me no matter what.
My on-again-off-again and currently-off-again-with-a-high-chance-of-soon-being-on-again girlfriend loves me to an almost fanatical level.
I have friends that can help me with anything. And I don’t just mean the “we’ll be there to hug you” friends, I have friends that are actually god damn ballers that offer baller advice.

One friend works at Blackrock, the largest asset management company in the world, doing “awesome computer shit” (saying more would compromise our identity)
One friend works for a high frequency trading firm and lives in a 3k a month apartment.
One friend just got hired by google after some of the biggest companies in the world engaged in a bidding war to get him.
All of these guys will be making at least 200+K next year. All of these guys are my age

I am the black sheep of the family. The black sheep that happens to fuck the most girls with the smallest amount of money spent.

I know I am at a crossroads of my life and I have no idea where I want to go. My friends are guiding me towards the corporate route… a route I know I can excel at. Shit, in about 25 minutes I am about to get a call from a recruiter from a LARGE company that found me on LinkedIn – after i only put in my education and current job title. I’m supposed to be happy.

But something’s missing.

I tried to fill it up with the most random shit imaginable.

I’ve been doing standup comedy every so often.

I tried archery because it sounded fucking cool.

I ran a mildly successful celebrity gossip site a few years ago, and just got absolutely bored of it.

This “girlfriend” of mine loves me, and is by all accounts exactly what I’m looking for. But when I see some club girls, all done up, curves or skinniness on display, I subconsciously wish i could warp her personality into their body.

I need some fucking inspiration. And I am looking everywhere, but nothing is hitting.

I’m seeing a shrink, his advice is pretty solid, and he has actually been helping (and thank you insurance for covering a chunk of it).

I guess this weekend will be a bender.

I do have a couple of leads.

1) I had this little concept on how to make money with mobile apps. I’ve fucked with mobile apps in the past, and this is purely a conceptual thing, but i think it can make me a few hundred bucks in monthly side money. And shit, if i go the corporate route, this thing will look impressive on my resume. My boss told me its ok if i jack the apple computer from work and take it home so I don’t have to come in to work on my apps. I like my boss, he’s a cool guy, and I see a lot of myself in him. Which is why he also scares the fuck out of me. He knows the corporate world is bullshit but it seems like he accepted it as a innate truth. He looks miserable all the time

2) I had a good idea for a diet and fitness book. I lost a fuckload of weight on a pretty specific concept, now I wanna see if that concept can be applied a little broader. Ooooh, another mid-to-late twenties guy who thinks he will have life figured out in ebook form? you betcha.

3)I can get on a knowledge bender.

http://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/

http://www.khanacademy.org/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/

Topics that interest me – economics, politics, free speech journalism.

Wow. Just writing all of that shit calmed me the fuck down. I like this train of thought style. I think I’m gonna do that more.

Oh yeah I’m gonna start posting a lot more.

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5 Responses to I am stuck

  1. Solo says:

    It’s good to see you back “Kid” sounds to me like you may need to head the “Spiritual” path, you know like Dexter in Season 6 seeking “Enlightenment” that may be you. The materialistic shit you got on lock and even the woman but what about your true happiness in the spiritual? Do you meditate and pray? Do you follow any type of deity?

  2. JT says:

    I’m handing in my two week notice end of this month. I don’t know what I’ll be doing after, but whatever it is will bring more value to my life than any 9 to 5 job can.

    If I were you, I’d do the corporate route for awhile (esp at 200k/yr), save Save SAVE…and after a few years, rest on an island somewhere 😉

    You have the talent to make it happen!

  3. Hey guys, thanks for the replies. I guess it’s just one more reason to watch Dexter :).
    You’re right Solo – I’ve actually been trying to figure out at the core – what makes me really happy. And that shit has been difficult. I consider myself a agnostic, and I do believe in a higher power and the power of the mind, which i just want to unlock. And I’ve been going balls deep into it – I’ve been reading everything – from texts about Native American spirituality to journals of “personal enlightenment” found on the manosphere. Because to be honest – for me, happiness is not about the money or the girls, but of this next step which i can’t wait to find (LOL, granted i just said it like some ballaholic pimp, which i am not).

    JT – thanks again for the email and the suggestion. I love how you described your friend at that company – the only big company guy you know that adores his job all the time.
    But to be honest – corporate work for me gets tough in these winter times. It becomes almost inhuman.

    There are days where you go to work when its dark out and leave work when its dark. You literally missed ALL the sunshine of the day and that is depressing.

    We need to grab some beers or something

  4. Solo says:

    Yo Kid

    I feel you bro, I started meditating again, and even reading the “word” I get burned out by the superficial things in life really fast, which reminds me I gotta go and work out

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