What single and taken men and women can learn from each other.

I think this is the first time ever that I have given advice to both sexes, but it comes from a lifetime of experience seeing this same exact scenario play out right in front of my eyes.

  • Single men (or better yet, unhappily celibate men), realizing that they are single, will try to better themselves in a multitude of ways in order to attract a partner.
  • “Taken” men – men in marriages or very long term relationships, will remain more or less the same since the start of their relationship.


  • Single women will hardly ever change anything about themselves
  • Women in relationships, having found a stable partner, start enjoying a host of new activities and hobbies and generally better themselves.

Now, why does this happen? For men it is the immeasurable testosterone soaked power of the manly drive. It’s this drive, this passion to get shit done that attracts women, more so than the inevitable results of that action. Sure, you might be a fat broke slob right now, but given some time and dedication, you could drastically change your situation – you can work on your appearance, your wealth, your “game” and swagger, and you will see drastic improvements in your ability to attract the opposite sex, even with those goals nowhere near complete. For example, while I am in way better shape then when i was at my fattest, I still have the furthest thing from sweet abs, yet I went on a macking tear recently that ended with me finding an amazing girlfriend (and yes, she scores incredibly high on Roosh’s “Girl Score“)

However, often times when a man becomes to relaxed and comfortable in his environment, his passion, dedication and all around drive drops. Maybe it’s a fear of diverging too far from “the man she fell in love with”, maybe it’s the tipping point where sexy aloofness turns into sloppy laziness. But by attempting to stay the same that sexy passionate drive disappears, and love usually follows.

However, with women, it’s the exact opposite. Single women just cannot get into their heads that the reason they might not be able to find a suitable man lies squarely on their shoulders. Often times I hear them say that they “want a man who loves me for me”, but with their obsession with that concept, they become almost a caricature of themselves, projecting their worst qualities immediately into full view. Although, admittedly, sometimes these behaviors and their subsequent evisceration become good reading, in the end, the longer they are single, the more these caricatures begin to dominate their real personality.

However, women in relationships are a different animal. Once they feel like they have a supportive partner (who probably got with them by being driven himself), many of them begin a cycle of incredible growth – whether it’s educational, professional, spiritual or physical. Fun fact – when you look at bodybuilding.com, most of the hottest women you’ll see on that site got started in fitness with the help of a husband or boyfriend, and now they have slowed the dreaded aging process to a snail like crawl.

Any excuse to post a picture of Tabitha Klausen:) ((Who, by the way started with the help of her boyfriend)).

So, what’s the point? Men don’t want women who become caricatures of themselves (although they will sleep with them), they want awesome, cool and pretty girls. Women don’t want to stay with a lazy, non driven guy, however they will stay with a guy she can grow with. To be attractive, as a man or a woman, at any time, you must continuously grow.

And fellas, even if your relationship doesn’t work out, but you continually improve yourself (like Tabitha’s husband), then you know you’re coming back to the singles scene at your sexiest.

And ladies, sure, other people might say that you “lose value” as you age, but if you are a kind nurturing woman that takes care of herself – there will always be incredible suitors available to you. Just don’t forget about your appearance

The woman above is 42

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2 Responses to What single and taken men and women can learn from each other.

  1. Susan Walsh says:

    Great post! A very interesting theory – it makes intuitive sense to me. I often find that when I give women concrete suggestions on how to find a bf, they look at me doubtfully and continue to do nothing, as if Prince Charming is supposed to happen along by chance and making themselves more interesting or attractive is cheating in some way, or forcing what should occur naturally. I think men are more action-oriented in general, and often more goal-directed.

  2. Pingback: What Single and Taken Men (and Women) Can Learn from Each Other

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