After hanging with some friends and experiencing another awesome NYC Friday, my plan was just to take it easy on Saturday. I visited my family, read, relaxed, saw a movie, and was getting ready to call it an early night until a female friend of mine texted me and said that she wanted to grab a few drinks, but make it more of a low key night.
Here’s some background on my friend – she lived fairly close to me, we went to middle school together and reconnected earlier this year, and she’s just an all around awesome girl that I can talk to about anything. I have never considered her a potential hookup (unless of course you consider the times when you’re really drunk and random things race through your head, and I’m sure she felt the same way).
The night was going well, and then, like all gatherings of friends, the talk turned to sex and relationships.
Her: “I love you as a friend, but at the same time I hate you as a man. The way you treat girls, it’s bad, but what’s worse is that it works! Your bullshit is true. You know it. I know it. Every girl knows it. I just want to find a guy that doesn’t act this way but at the same time they do because it works and it’s the truth. I’m 26 years old, I’m past my hookup stage, I just want something real, but it seems impossible”.
Me: “See, that’s the problem. You’re past the hookup stage. I’m just discovering it. In high school, college, and for some time after that, I was a hopeless romantic, and that got me absolutely nowhere. But now I see people as people, with their needs, wants, desires, and I absolutely love my life. And that’s the story with many men, they are really only discovering their sexual side now, and it’s an awesome feeling. ”
She soon went to the bathroom, and when she returned she was surprised that I wasn’t hitting on the girls next to us. Of course i Immediately switched to mack mode and within a few minutes got one of the girls sitting there to enthusiastically give me her number while my friend talked to her friend. Girls make the best wings.
“I saw it in her eyes, you’ll be fucking her in a week or two, dammit.”
We soon went to another bar, which turned out to be cougar headquarters, and then I noticed it – I was by far one of the sexiest people there. Now, I am by no means a hot dude in any standard definition – while i do work out extensively, I still have a belly (think of the Fedor Emelianenko), my head is ridiculously big (I have to wear a size 8 baseball cap if i grow my head out), and I lack the chiseled face that girls go nuts over. Yet, in this room, I was the only guy that wasn’t a combination of obese, balding, dirty looking. So if you take me out of an environment where dudes compete over chicks, I’m quite the catch.
And it happened. Something that happened countless times before. There were more drinks, a few coy looks, some inside jokes and a few venue changes. Before you know it, it was closing time at a bar half a block from my apartment (oh my, how did we ever get here). I invited her over to watch South Park at my apartment. She opened the $10 champagne i kept in my fridge just for these moments. We were hugging, drinking and slowly sinking into each other.
The opportunity was right there. The amount of alcohol consumed was just enough to say “it just happened” the next morning.
And I didn’t take it.
I didn’t take it because absolutely nothing good would have come of it. I, a good friend, would have joined that list of people that hooked up with her and wanted no relationship afterward. There would be awkwardness, tension and possibly resentment. This was not what I wanted, this was not what she wanted, so it didn’t happen.
Ultimately, I am not the right guy for her and she is not the right girl for me. And this fantasy of a perfect someone can motivate a lot of people, even though for many it just remains a fantasy. Heck, that’s why I always try to talk to the hottest girls in the room, and shift the conversation towards video games, Star Wars, and everything else nerdy. Awesome girls are out there, and until you find them – go have fun with the hot and slutty ones.