It was a warm, but slightly windy late summer night. The sound of beer glasses clinking together in a large cheers and groups of people trying to speak loud enough to outdo each other was filling the air at the Standard beer garden in NYC. This was the setting of the “sargefest” – everyone was looking to get laid, or at least win a few “pickup challenges” along the way. That is, everyone, except for me. I knew that I had a date with an absolutely wonderful girl this Saturday, a very high chance of long term relationship material. I knew we already had an amazing first date. I also knew that she was a former model, and that in the NYC nightlife hierarchy, girls as hot as her usually don’t hang out at beer gardens (especially if the neighborhood has “velvet rope” style places) . But it was a Thursday, people were out macking, I might as well have some fun and be eccentric. After all, with the way I view women now, it’s good to keep your “game” up.
Let me explain. In my time “gaming”, I went through 5 distinct views on women. And, truth be told, just about every single experienced “player” or “natural” that I’ve talked to feels pretty much the same way. Each view comes with its own rewards and challenges, but I think the place that I’m at right now is a good place to be. So where do you fit into these opinions?
- Women are unattainable magical creatures. This is how you feel like if you’re a nerd, geek, or socially awkward. Interacting with women feels like a challenge, and you’re constantly jealous of other “good looking”, “rich”, “douchebag” guys that constantly get with girls. The downside of this view are extremely obvious – prolonged celibacy, and as we all know, involuntary celibacy is the walking death. However, there is an upside – at certain points a guy might want to snap out of his misery and dedicate himself to improvement. As long as he sees the light at the end of the tunnel, he will be extremely motivated to better his life through various means – game, money, fitness, etc. However, if this man strives for only money and fitness he might not learn the lessons of the future stages and be trapped by his own inexperience. So gentlemen – if you seek money or abs, just please learn to protect yourselves from the sleazy women.
- Women are targets. So you’ve just read “The Game”, watched the pickup artist, read a book that might help you get laid, joined a forum, or just decided to crawl out of your cave and get better with girls, good for you! You learn and recite routines, work out some “inner game” issues, dedicate yourself to following a guru and are actually starting to see results, good for you! But at the same time, your results are not constant, so you read more, post more, practice more, even backtrack. Women become nothing more as a means to an end for your game. The good part of course is that you’re gaining valuable female experience, hopefully getting laid, and learn to deal with rejection fairly well. The bad part is that you become obsessed with pickup, seeking absolute perfection in the art, and the women you meet don’t enrich your life, merely accessorize it. This happens to “naturals” too, as you become an overbearing dick that cannot make a genuine connection with a girl because you objectify her. Also, your value systems for girls becomes a bit screwed up – you’d rather have a stripper than a grad student (if all other factors were the same).
- Women are evil. This is a stage that have a tough time admitting to, but it was there. Maybe it happens after the first time you hook up with a girl, and then she gets a call from her boyfriend and she lies to him. Maybe it happens when you read that women are leaving their formerly rich finance guy husbands during the recession. Maybe it happens when you see a “good girl” do cocaine. But at this point you can’t seem to stand women. This is especially true if most of your “game” revolved around bars and clubs – you are guaranteed to see some vile shit in that scene. While this might be the opposite of stage 1, it usually brings the same results – you stop getting laid, or when you do, there is absolutely no meaning attached to it. However, not all is negative with this stage – you learn how to defend yourself from vile, nasty women. You learn about how not to get ripped off in divorce and child support, and you become more defensive about other areas of your life. Self preservation kicks in.
- Women are people. This phase starts amazingly enough – you might be bitter, not looking to date or score, but a girl happens to come around that changes your perception immediately. You have a good honest connection, with no “game” being used. Now, when you go out, you don’t run through any lines and openers or behaviors to remember, you’re just “being yourself” and getting results. “Wow”, you think, “I am finally a natural”. Hold your horses kid, not quite, because once you see your relationship with a girl began on your own terms, you begin to fuck up. You become overbearing, needy, call and text too much, essentially reverting back to step 1. At times you might be angry, thinking that when you were “deceptively” gaming, you were getting more girls. The advantage of this view is of course the brutal honesty, and you might actually meet girls that like the kind of overbearing energy you bring (which would lead to long relationships). But you will lose a LOT of great girls in this stage, simply because at times you’ll equate “being yourself” with “being an idiot”.
- Women are people living in a fucked up environment. This is very much like the last step, but you realize that “game” isn’t a lifestyle to be followed, but a series of tips that help you out (along with your now vast personal experience). You realize that women live in a world filled with some pretty intense pressures – from society, friends, etc, way more pressure than we give them credit for (and most women rarely acknowledge the ADVANTAGES of being female, or at best downplay its roles). Even if a girl is seemingly into you, its no guarantee of “happily ever after” or “happily boning”, but you are completely confident with every interaction, not forcing a result, but displaying as much of you as you can. Yet you keep the basics in mind – aloofness, unpredictability, masterful calling and texting, good body language, and the women seem to happily stay. This is a good place to be in
So, the question remains, how did I do that night? Crashed and burned fairly hard, trying out the most random lines ever and having fun, but in the middle of it all I managed to chat up a really cute chick who turned out to be a pediatrician, and we now have a date for next week.
And at the same time I can’t wait for Saturday – this girl and I have way too much in common (almost a bit creepy), and shes a blast to hang with (not to mention super hot). Yet on our first date I was perfectly laid back, let the conversation flow naturally, and after kept the texts to a minimum. She almost told me how to act, because she described her last date as “nervous, fidgety, knocking shit over, told me he loved me after 1 date, and still keeps texting me”. Don’t worry girl – I’m experienced, I’m smoother;-).