We’ve all been there, beginner and experienced guy alike. You’re walking (or sitting, or … well doing just about anything), and before you know it and before you can get ready, a wonderful example of femininity enters the scene. Now if the situation were a little different (read: familiar to you), you wouldn’t hesitate to approach right away. But this time, it’s different. The situation is so unique and so new to you that you lose faith in your approach, you think of something to say, you psyche yourself out, you KNOW you need to do something, but in the end, you don’t.
So after this kind of non approach, you kick yourself for not even at least trying, and start running through all the scenarios in your head of how the interaction could have been different.
At first, this might seem like a bad way out of this situation… but it’s not the worst. You’re smart, experienced (at least somewhat), so instead of continuing to curse at yourself you analyze everything that you’ve just said to yourself and pick the best response. That’s it.
Because if a unique situation occurs in pickup, then you can damn well be sure that it will occur again. Except next time you’ll be ready.
As an example, there are two situations from my own life that pop into my head. The first – when i saw a gorgeous girl on the street on my way home from work, walking through a very non tourist neighborhood, the second – on the NYC subway. Both were unique situations, and both were sure to happen again. But next time I was prepared.
Now, on the next similar walk home: “Hey, do you know where ((insert celebrity name here))’s restaurant is? I live in the area and every week tourists asks me this question at least twice”
And on the next train ride, establish eye contact, then say “Hey, I had to at least say hi before this turns into a craigslist missed connection”, then we chat a bit about craigslist.
Both the examples above are real, “field tested” pieces of advice that I came up with instead of feeling sorry for myself.
So next time you don’t approach – take it back to the lab and be prepared for next time!