Ever since I first heard about this movie from The Quest for 50 – I have been on a mission to show this movie to as many people as possible. If you think women are adorable, faultless angels, please prepare yourself to have your world rocked.
Also, grab a snack, this bad boy is 46 minutes long. Enjoy!
Baby don’t hurt me.
Ok, now that I got that out of the way, I’d like to share with you some thoughts I’ve been having recently. It all started when I was browsing the “r/bestof” subreddit and a comment to a picture stood out.
Here is the picture.
The comment that got the attention (and r/bestof mention) was:
The answer, which I’m sure you’ve heard before, is because you don’t love yourself. Any external validation causes you to feel worthwhile. Relationships don’t validate you, you validate you. Relationships are a challenge to enrich an already stable life.
There were some debates about the nature and meaning of the comment in a few subreddits, but one word stuck with me the most – validation.
Validation, validation, validation, validation… it swirled in my head. Just how much is the concept of love REALLY about validation?
Flash back to around Christmas. I’m on a date with a pretty cute girl. She’s giving me the usual talks about usual subjects. Honestly, I’m getting a little bit bored. The date managed to pick up solely on the count that it was my best friends birthday, and he and his wife hit me up and wanted to hang. I’ll give my friend credit – he assisted hard. The girl I was with was feeling it, and within hours I was inside her giant apartment, and within minutes, inside her. She had maybe 2 drinks, she kept passing the rest to me, and I had way more due to my friends birthday. I was drunk off my ass and still managed to have sex with a semi erection. Needless to say, the night didn’t lead anywhere after.
At least this night ended up a bit more fun than a previous date. Cute girl, drinks, talking, fun venue, boring, boring, boring, “oh my friend has an emergency”.
Why the fuck was I so bored? I know it had to be something about me. These girls were really pretty, the kind of girls I would kill for years earlier. But just something about them wasn’t doing it for me. At all.
Around the same time I had drunk 5 hour gaming sessions with friends, went to several NHL games with my family, turned my crossfit hobby into a complete health overhaul, coded, etc… and was happy, entertained, fulfilled.
I didn’t care if I fucked 10 girls that week or 0. It simply didn’t register anymore. Have I reached the level of indifference that people say is a sign of game mastery? eh..
Validation, validation, validation. It all made sense.
Think back to your original social programming. Study, go to school, graduate, get a job, get married, have kids. There it is – validation. We grew up to think that if we did the right things, a woman would come along and tell us we did the right things by being with us. And yes, its very objectifying towards women.
But when we grew up, said and did all the right things, and the women weren’t there, our brains started to explode. Some of us wanted to “learn game” so they can meet women and get that validation they so desperately desired. Some of us realized that the “system” is pretty shitty when there is no female validatinon present, and decided to “drop out”. Let’s face it – paper pushing careers suck. They aren’t interesting, but you do what you gotta do to provide for your family. But with the lack of family, there is no incentive to work a shitty job. Validation.
And here we are, attracted to attention, approval. Facebook and instagram likes, retweets, +1s, reddit karma. Validation. With the validation comes a high, without the validation comes a low.
Hey bodybuilder – what are you in the gym for? Do you have any intention of ever competing? Oh, you’re doing this for “better health”? Sure, I believe you, bodybuilder. Men have somehow been healthy for thousands of years without 8-pack abs, giant biceps, and cartoonish pecs.
Look at the guy above. I bet you he is extremely unhealthy. What a fuckup. He’ll never have a girlfriend.
You get the picture. Most of us live for human validation, we chase it. We roll it up and smoke it. God that high is good. Fuck that low is bad.
But what happens when the need for validation disappears? What happens when you are perfectly happy with your life, even if you have detractors? What does love become?
I don’t know the answer to this question. I don’t know if my own hypothesis makes sense. On the one hand I go on these lame and boring dates with these really pretty girls. On the other hand, I’m still communicating with a girl I met and hooked up with 1 week before she had to go back home halfway across the world. She seemed enamored with me, like everything I said, did, or was – I could do no wrong in her eyes. Maybe I was in need of a stronger dose of validation.
Times are tough in 2014, men are blaming women, women are blaming men, and dating, which is supposed to be a culture of love, has morphed into a culture of gender war. It’s hard out there for everyone.
The manosphere is rightfully taking off, blogs are popping up left and right, and “red pill women” are becoming an ever increasing presence on the internet. Good for them, I can respect anyone who takes a path of self improvement, and self improvement has always been at the core of “the red pill” or the manosphere, or whatever the hell people are calling themselves these days 🙂
I have only done one “dating advice for women” tip, and its something that I have always truly believed, and now, almost 2 entire years later, I will hit you with another one. You ready for this?
Effort. One word, many possible meanings. Effort. Just put in a tiny bit of effort and you are already miles ahead of other women. I guarantee it.
What exactly do I mean by effort? Consider the following story, which happened to me about two weeks ago:
Some friends of mine in Jersey were having a get together. I love those parties – they usually involve smoking, drinking, gaming, catching up with friends, and all done in pure excess. It has always been a blast. Usually, I would ask one of my local friends to pick me up from the train station and give me a ride to the party. It’s one of those “too long to walk but very short in a car” distances. Plus, like just about every area in the US outside a major city – sidewalks didn’t really exist there.
However this time, I decided to meet an old flame for lunch. She’s from Jersey, a few towns over from where the party was held. Now this wasn’t a date, there were no sexual intentions, I just wanted to see what this girl was up to, catch up, trade some stories, etc. Normal stuff. So, instead of having one of my friends pick me up at the train station, I asked her to take care of it, and she happily obliged.
Now this is where things take an unexpected turn. I texted her, letting her know that I was going to board the 1:14 train out of Penn Station and was scheduled to arrive around 1:55. Plans were in place. And then, while I was still in Penn Station waiting for the gate assignment, my cell phone unexpectedly died (no prior low battery warning or anything, I was in the “green” for battery life). Now, I usually charge my phone at my home or office computers, partially because I lost the AC adapter to my charger, so I only had the USB iphone connector in my bag. There were no charger stations anywhere, I could not recall this girls number off the top of my head, or my friends number for that matter. I was on my way to Jersey with a dead Iphone.
“No problem”, I thought to myself. I had given this girl my estimated arrival time, and there is a prominent waiting area at that station where cars scoop up people that have just arrived. There were no other arrival areas.
All this girl had to do was to realize that my phone probably died, but I told her when I should be arriving, and to meet me at the one place where she could. Easy stuff, right?
You can guess what happened.
First, another wrench was thrown into my plans, the train was taking its sweet time because of the snowy mess mother nature made everywhere earlier that week. I stepped off the train at 2:10 pm and walked over to the waiting area.
And to my surprise, I see this girl waving at me from a car!!!
Syyyyyke, it was actually someone who looked similar, waving to a group of people walking behind me. I was almost pleasantly surprised. I walked around the waiting area, looking, waiting, nothing. Soon enough, I was the last guy waiting at the waiting area. To be honest, due to this girls history of lateness, I didn’t know if she arrived on time then left, or she hasn’t arrived at all.
All she had to do was to realize that my phone probably died and the trains are probably delayed. All she had to do was to hang out in that parking lot for a little bit, literally sit on her ass for a little bit longer. All she had to do was put in the tiniest bit of EFFORT, and she couldn’t do that.
And once again, I reacted the same way I always react – with anger, passion, and furor! Just kidding. This was me:
I’ve come to expect shitty behavior and lack of effort from girls, so, sadly, this was nothing new. Think about it. How much shitty female behavior have we witnessed as individuals? What is more surprising and rare at this point – shitty behavior or awesome behavior? And not just in the dating world either. I have an older step sister, and over the weekend, we hit up the Devils game since I had a ticket hookup. Of course she was late, of course it was an excuse-du-jour, and of course I was not the tinyest bit surprised by this. In fact I’m more surprised when she’s exactly on time, a rare feat for her.
Funny coincidence – almost all the girls I went out with were late on the first date. The ones that weren’t – I always ended up dating for a while. Funny coincidence indeed.
This universally lowered bar for women was touched upon by a recent popular cracked article by a woman attempting to create the worst online dating profile ever. She chose to chastise men for being thirsty (which they are), but as Alpha Gameplan points out – it’s nothing special, because lets face it, we are used to hot girls being mean, spoiled, manipulative, ignorant gold diggers. It’s nothing new. That behavior is just part of the game now (by the way, read over both posts when you have time, it’s fantastic).
Ladies, take note, the bar is set INCREDIBLY low for you, so by clearing it, even a little bit, you are putting yourself WAY above the competition. Do the little things – arrive on time, dress up just a tiny bit, reply to texts right away, remember the things he likes. My ex was an expert on this. One day she brought me over some green apples, cornichons and Pepsi max (all my favorite), I wanted to kiss her a thousand times over, i was so ecstatic over something so little. Another time she bought a New Jersey Devils shot glass. Then ninja bobbleheads. She was good. That was part of the reason the breakup was so difficult.
You can do this, because this, unlike most other dating advice, goes both ways. Aren’t girls always complaining that guys don’t do the little things? Aren’t you already projecting the same stuff on a date that you are looking for (girls who are looking for guys with good jobs always seem to brag about theirs, etc)? This one is easy, ladies.
So the next time you’re out with a guy, find out if he likes cheesy action movies (he most likely will), and before the second date, hit up the 5 dollar DVD bin at your local store and get him one. His eyes will light up, and he will be yours.
Plus another person will witness the awesomeness that is Chill Factor. And that will make the world a better place
Hey guys. Want something fun and entertaining to do for about two hours? Want to hear two sexy voices, one of them with a sweet sweet New Zealand accent? Want to learn about online dating, Crossfit and breaking bad habits? Well then, you are in luck.
Yesterday I sat down with Peter Phoenix of Manosphere Radio to talk about these topics and more. On the show you will hear about:
Hello again, loyal readers! And welcome back to the first Top 10 Posts list of the year. I enjoyed the long winter break, but it’s about time I got back to business!
Also – if my timing is correct – today should be the day that Return of Kings publishes my first post (I’m writing this ahead of time)! So if you’re new – welcome, check out the lists, check out the site, and come back for more.
For the new and uninitiated – I always start the top 10 with the hot fitness chick of the week – what can I say, I like fitness chicks, and hot girls are always excellent clickbait. This week’s
And here you have it! Play us off, tumblr snowflake of the week!
Ok, loyal readers, I have a couple of shameful secrets to share with you. You might want to sit down for this. You ready?
I struggled with my weight for most of my life. As a child I was “husky” up until the point I started playing hockey. That more or less got my weight under control and kept it like that till the end of college. At that point, I had the hearty appetite of a guy that does exhausting athletic activity 4-5 times a week, without the athletic activity. I ballooned up almost immediately upon graduation.
Weight gain is surprisingly hard to notice. No matter how good or bad I looked, I always felt like I looked the exact same way. It wasn’t until I saw a few pictures of myself that I was shocked into the realization that I needed to lose weight. Every picture – my face was fat. I had a double chin. I had to untag myself from facebook pictures and started taking the “myspace angle” shots.
I still remember my very first time in a gym. The bench press and treadmill terrified the shit out of me, since I was used to seeing people have spectacular accidents on them in internet videos. I ended up hiring a trainer for 10-12 sessions. She was a former competitive female bodybuilder, and current trainer to the pros. She was the first person to really teach me about training and nutrition. I followed her plans diligently and started seeing results, my very first.
This was the first time I discovered just how truly restrictive and boring bodybuilding is. I prepared all my own meals and consumed about 6 of them a day. All of a sudden, cooking (and the associated cleanup) was taking up a lot more of my day. After all – I needed to prepare 5-6 chicken breats on my George Foreman grill at a time, then clean that mess up. Cleaning up a Foreman is not as simple as the commercial made it out top be, especially if its covered in chicken grease and hasn’t cooled off yet. My social life took a hit, since this was the first time I had to socialize without alcohol. Bars became a nightmare. Dating became worse. I was still under the impression that ladies liked nice dinners (this just tells you how long ago this was) and drinks, and I felt like a sip of alcohol and a bite of a cookie would immediately undo all of the hard work that I have put in. I was paranoid. I remembered freaking out at this girls apartment because she didn’t have any if the food that I needed. Yes, a girl invited me over, wanted to fuck my sorry ass, and I was thinking about chicken.
I tried just about every workout style and diet imaginable. TV infomercial diet plans like P90X and Insanity? Tried em. They work. You also draw the ire of your downstairs neighbors because your fat ass is doing a plyometrics workout. And yes, doing them in a small Manhattan apartment is as difficult as it sounds. I still remember when the door frame pullup bar I purchased slipped out and I fell directly on my ass, injuring my tailbone, and I couldn’t walk straight for a week.
I tried a ketogenic diet and was sleepy and couldn’t think straight for a week. High carb, low carb, slow carb, etc. Did them all.
Some programs I stuck with longer than others, and I was seeing results. But it was never fun. I had to find new ways to amuse myself. Gym time also became podcast listening time. I went through a lot. My gym had little monitors attached to the cardio machines so you could actually watch some TV. I have managed to see every single episode of Friends, How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men in this fashion. I hate Two and a Half Men. But I hated the boredom more.
At some point I learned about the true role of steroids and other drugs in a bodybuilders life. I went to a show promoted as “Natural”, and the people there were maybe a 4th the size of the guys I was seeing on the covers of magazines. I didn’t want to do steroids, i didn’t want to compete in a show, I just wanted to look better. I also learned just how widespread steroids were and just how popular they were with recreational lifters that had no interest in competition. That really made me feel like shit.
But by this point I “discovered game” and was starting to get laid a lot more. I knew my improved appearance had something to do with it, so I kept it up.
I remember, during my short run as a standup comedian, I made a bunch of jokes about how weird time travel would be. Imagine telling a guy from a few centuries ago the realities of modern courtship?
“Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that in your time, you have these places where you lift heavy things in various ways and run long distances? Don’t you have to do that in your every day life? No? Oh my lord you live like a king! Why do you do these things? To attract women? Why? Aren’t they already impressed by the fact that your life is so good that you can choose to lift and run recreationally? “. To which I’d reply “Ha, you’re a funny guy, past man, you’re a funny guy”.
I more or less accepted this as a fact of life. You’re going to have to work out, it’s going to be boring, but, you know, “suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret” or some other shit people post on their facebook.
It was only this year that I discovered “Crossfit” and it completely changed my perspective on fitness.
It made it fun.
Something about it just clicked with me. Some of the movements I was already doing – deadlifts, bench presses, shoulder presses, kettlebell swings, but every single workout I did gave me a new purpose.
Can I do this workout as it is described? (RX in crossfit terms)
How fast can I do this workout.
Can I progress with this lift?
Every workout became an event, and I was hooked. I was also taken in by the social attitude of the classes. People cheered each other on, new friends were made. I was no longer the “mysterious solitary man that needs only his will and spirit to succeed”, as the manosphere implied the perfect man should be.
Every workout had a goal, a plan, a result and an incredible feeling after completion.
And then the rest of my life seemingly started to fit together. I cut my drinking to nearly nothing, I stepped my nutrition game up, I was getting more sleep – all the other stuff that was either difficult or a chore became a part of my life.
And another thing that surprised me, and people often make fun of the fat acceptance movement for this – is that I stopped looking at the scale. I don’t keep up with my weight and body fat percentage like I used to, but I don’t need to.
It was no longer about my weight. It was no longer about abs, or pecs, or biceps. It was about measurable athletic achievement. How much? How fast? And that made all the difference in the world.
And then I looked around me to see who else had some weight loss success stories, or was in good shape/athletic. Two factors immediately brought everyone together. Competition and socialization. Every single time. From the girl that ran marathons as a member of the New York Road Runners, to the guy that rock climbs, to the girl that joined a roller derby club, to the guy that joined a BJJ club and is now sparring like a boss
So what does that mean for you?
That right there is the very definition of sport, and without it, you are just mindlessly lifting weights, running, doing yoga, etc, and more often than not – by yourself and isolated. Don’t focus on appearance – focus on performance. Appearance will come. Believe it.
Long live sport!
UPDATE: I wanted to give a plug for Groupon, yes, THAT Groupon. There are lots of gyms out there, from Crossfit, to Jiu Jitsu, to fencing, boxing, cycling, rock climbing, pools, etc, and groupon allows you to sample these gyms and workouts at a much lower cost, so that hopefully you too can find your fitness passion. Plus, this is a referral link, so by creating a groupon account from it you are helping me and my blog out, so I’d have more time, money, and motivation to make more and more awesome content and the circle of love would continue.
Here we are, another new year, another new chance for new beginnings, countless opportunities, and countless opportunities to fuck it all up. What up 2014.
2013 was a great year for me – I learned a lot and grew quite a bit as a person. Visited some new places, discovered some new passions, met some pretty girls, left some pretty girls, had some pretty girls leave me. It’s rather hard to recognize myself from over a year ago, but here I am, humbling myself to you as always.
2014 will be the year to expand all of that. The “goal setting” thing worked quite well in my infamous “No Nothing November”, so why not take it up a notch?
So, without further ado, here are my goals for 2014:
And here we go!
Hey guys – just wanted to wish all of my readers a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and a very stress free, chill holiday season. I’m taking a small break from the blog for the festivities, but I’ll be back in early January with more awesome articles, more top 10 lists, and just more of everything in general. Also… I will have my first article on Return of Kings, so that’s pretty exciting. See you soon!
Welcome back to another edition of the Top Manosphere posts of the week list!!! This is the 3rd week that I’m doing this list, and this week proved to be quite challenging – I am deep into two separate side projects that are unfortunately requiring a lot of time and attention on my end, plus my crossfit sessions have been exhausting as always, but the end result is sweet abs and a fat bankroll, so certain things need to be done.
There are a few changes to the MO this week – I am sharing not only great manosphere blog posts (and there is always plenty), but also some links from non manosphere sites that our readers might find relevant to their interests. As always, for suggestions, comments, etc, feel free to comment or hit me up on twitter @kidstrangelove. And this weeks Fitness Chick of the week is Amanda Latona, IFBB Bikini pro and queen of white girl booty, check her out on instagram at http://instagram.com/amandalatona. Now onto the list
And here we have it, another week down! As always, feel free to comment, submit new stuff, and hit up my twitter @kidstrangelove
As always, to close things out, I present you with the Tumblr snowflake of the week. Since this weeks list was different, so is the snowflake. Watch as Tumblr “activism” leaves the keyboard and jumps into real life.
Kid Strangelove 