The Thirst is Real – The Documentary

Ever since I first heard about this movie from The Quest for 50 – I have been on a mission to show this movie to as many people as possible. If you think women are adorable, faultless angels, please prepare yourself to have your world rocked.

Also, grab a snack, this bad boy is 46 minutes long. Enjoy!

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Top 10 Manosphere Posts of the Week (01/30/2014)

tabi

Welcome everyone to another edition of the Top 10 Manosphere posts of the week!

Continue reading

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What is Love?

whatisloveBaby don’t hurt me.

Ok, now that I got that out of the way, I’d like to share with you some thoughts I’ve been having recently. It all started when I was browsing the “r/bestof” subreddit and a comment to a picture stood out.

Here is the picture.

The comment that got the attention (and r/bestof mention) was:

The answer, which I’m sure you’ve heard before, is because you don’t love yourself. Any external validation causes you to feel worthwhile. Relationships don’t validate you, you validate you. Relationships are a challenge to enrich an already stable life.

There were some debates about the nature and meaning of the comment in a few subreddits, but one word stuck with me the most – validation.

Validation, validation, validation, validation… it swirled in my head. Just how much is the concept of love REALLY about validation?

Flash back to around Christmas. I’m on a date with a pretty cute girl. She’s giving me the usual talks about usual subjects. Honestly, I’m getting a little bit bored. The date managed to pick up solely on the count that it was my best friends birthday, and he and his wife hit me up and wanted to hang. I’ll give my friend credit – he assisted hard. The girl I was with was feeling it, and within hours I was inside her giant apartment,  and within minutes, inside her. She had maybe 2 drinks, she kept passing the rest to me, and I had way more due to my friends birthday. I was drunk off my ass and still managed to have sex with a semi erection. Needless to say, the night didn’t lead anywhere after.

At least this night ended up a bit more fun than a previous date. Cute girl, drinks, talking, fun venue, boring, boring, boring, “oh my friend has an emergency”.

Why the fuck was I so bored? I know it had to be something about me. These girls were really pretty, the kind of girls I would kill for years earlier. But just something about them wasn’t doing it for me. At all.

Around the same time I had drunk 5 hour gaming sessions with friends, went to several NHL games with my family, turned my crossfit hobby into a complete health overhaul, coded, etc… and was happy, entertained, fulfilled.

I didn’t care if I fucked 10 girls that week or 0. It simply didn’t register anymore. Have I reached the level of indifference that people say is a sign of game mastery? eh..

Validation, validation, validation. It all made sense.

Think back to your original social programming. Study, go to school, graduate, get a job, get married, have kids. There it is – validation. We grew up to think that if we did the right things, a woman would come along and tell us we did the right things by being with us. And yes, its very objectifying towards women.

But when we grew up, said and did all the right things, and the women weren’t there, our brains started to explode.  Some of us wanted to “learn game” so they can meet women and get that validation they so desperately desired. Some of us realized that the “system” is pretty shitty when there is no female validatinon present, and decided to “drop out”. Let’s face it – paper pushing careers suck. They aren’t interesting, but you do what you gotta do to provide for your family. But with the lack of family, there is no incentive to work a shitty job. Validation.

And here we are, attracted to attention, approval. Facebook and instagram likes, retweets, +1s, reddit karma. Validation. With the validation comes a high, without the validation comes a low.

Hey bodybuilder – what are you in the gym for? Do you have any intention of ever competing?  Oh, you’re doing this for “better health”? Sure, I believe you, bodybuilder. Men have somehow been healthy for thousands of years without 8-pack abs, giant biceps, and cartoonish pecs.

tom-brady-shirtlessLook at the guy above. I bet you he is extremely unhealthy. What a fuckup. He’ll never have a girlfriend.

You get the picture. Most of us live for human validation, we chase it. We roll it up and smoke it. God that high is good. Fuck that low is bad.

But what happens when the need for validation disappears? What happens when you are perfectly happy with your life, even if you have detractors? What does love become?

I don’t know the answer to this question. I don’t know if my own hypothesis makes sense. On the one hand I go on these lame and boring dates with these really pretty girls. On the other hand, I’m still communicating with a girl I met and hooked up with 1 week before she had to go back home halfway across the world. She seemed enamored with me, like everything I said, did, or was – I could do no wrong in her eyes. Maybe I was in need of a stronger dose of validation.

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Ladies, just make a tiny effort

Times are tough in 2014, men are blaming women, women are blaming men, and dating, which is supposed to be a culture of love, has morphed into a culture of gender war. It’s hard out there for everyone.

The manosphere is rightfully taking off, blogs are popping up left and right, and “red pill women” are becoming an ever increasing presence on the internet. Good for them, I can respect anyone who takes a path of self improvement, and self improvement has always been at the core of “the red pill” or the manosphere, or whatever the hell people are calling themselves these days🙂

I have only done one “dating advice for women” tip, and its something that I have always truly believed, and now, almost 2 entire years later, I will hit you with another one. You ready for this?

my_body_is_readyEffort. 

One word, many possible meanings. Effort. Just put in a tiny bit of effort and you are already miles ahead of other women. I guarantee it.

What exactly do I mean by effort? Consider the following story, which happened to me about two weeks ago:

Some friends of mine in Jersey were having a get together. I love those parties – they usually involve smoking, drinking, gaming, catching up with friends, and all done in pure excess. It has always been a blast. Usually, I would ask one of my local friends to pick me up from the train station and give me a ride to the party. It’s one of those “too long to walk but very short in a car” distances. Plus, like just about every area in the US outside a major city – sidewalks didn’t really exist there.

However this time, I decided to meet an old flame for lunch. She’s from Jersey, a few towns over from where the party was held. Now this wasn’t a date, there were no sexual intentions, I just wanted to see what this girl was up to, catch up, trade some stories, etc. Normal stuff. So, instead of having one of my friends pick me up at the train station, I asked her to take care of it, and she happily obliged.

Now this is where things take an unexpected turn. I texted her, letting her know that I was going to board the 1:14 train out of Penn Station and was scheduled to arrive around 1:55. Plans were in place. And then, while I was still in Penn Station waiting for the gate assignment, my cell phone unexpectedly died (no prior low battery warning or anything, I was in the “green” for battery life). Now, I usually charge my phone at my home or office computers, partially because I lost the AC adapter to my charger, so I only had the USB iphone connector in my bag. There were no charger stations anywhere, I could not recall this girls number off the top of my head, or my friends number for that matter. I was on my way to Jersey with a dead Iphone.

“No problem”, I thought to myself. I had given this girl my estimated arrival time, and there is a prominent waiting area at that station where cars scoop up people that have just arrived. There were no other arrival areas.

All this girl had to do was to realize that my phone probably died, but I told her when I should be arriving, and to meet me at the one place where she could. Easy stuff, right?

You can guess what happened.

First, another wrench was thrown into my plans, the train was taking its sweet time because of the snowy mess mother nature made everywhere earlier that week. I stepped off the train at 2:10 pm and walked over to the waiting area.

And to my surprise, I see this girl waving at me from a car!!!

wrongnumber

Syyyyyke, it was actually someone who looked similar, waving to a group of people walking behind me. I was almost pleasantly surprised. I walked around the waiting area, looking, waiting, nothing. Soon enough, I was the last guy waiting at the waiting area. To be honest, due to this girls history of lateness, I didn’t know if she arrived on time then left, or she hasn’t arrived at all.

All she had to do was to realize that my phone probably died and the trains are probably delayed. All she had to do was to hang out in that parking lot for a little bit, literally sit on her ass for a little bit longer. All she had to do was put in the tiniest bit of EFFORT, and she couldn’t do that.

And once again, I reacted the same way I always react – with anger, passion, and furor! Just kidding. This was me:

iaintevenmadI’ve come to expect shitty behavior and lack of effort from girls, so, sadly, this was nothing new. Think about it. How much shitty female behavior have we witnessed as individuals? What is more surprising and rare at this point – shitty behavior or awesome behavior? And not just in the dating world either. I have an older step sister, and over the weekend, we hit up the Devils game since I had a ticket hookup. Of course she was late, of course it was an excuse-du-jour, and of course I was not the tinyest bit surprised by this. In fact I’m more surprised when she’s exactly on time, a rare feat for her.

Funny coincidence – almost all the girls I went out with were late on the first date. The ones that weren’t – I always ended up dating for a while. Funny coincidence indeed.

This universally lowered bar for women was touched upon by a recent popular cracked article by a woman attempting to create the worst online dating profile ever. She chose to chastise men for being thirsty (which they are), but as Alpha Gameplan points out – it’s nothing special, because lets face it, we are used to hot girls being mean, spoiled, manipulative, ignorant gold diggers. It’s nothing new. That behavior is just part of the game now (by the way, read over both posts when you have time, it’s fantastic).

Ladies, take note, the bar is set INCREDIBLY low for you, so by clearing it, even a little bit, you are putting yourself WAY above the competition. Do the little things – arrive on time, dress up just a tiny bit, reply to texts right away, remember the things he likes. My ex was an expert on this. One day she brought me over some green apples, cornichons  and Pepsi max (all my favorite), I wanted to kiss her a thousand times over, i was so ecstatic over something so little. Another time she bought a New Jersey Devils shot glass. Then ninja bobbleheads. She was good. That was part of the reason the breakup was so difficult.

You can do this, because this, unlike most other dating advice, goes both ways.  Aren’t girls always complaining that guys don’t do the little things? Aren’t you already projecting the same stuff on a date that you are looking for (girls who are looking for guys with good jobs always seem to brag about theirs, etc)? This one is easy, ladies.

So the next time you’re out with a guy, find out if he likes cheesy action movies (he most likely will), and before the second date, hit up the 5 dollar DVD bin at your local store and get him one. His eyes will light up, and he will be yours.

Chill_factor_posterPlus another person will witness the awesomeness that is Chill Factor. And that will make the world a better place

Posted in dating advice for women | 1 Comment

My interview with Peter Phoenix on Manosphere Radio

Hey guys. Want something fun and entertaining to do for about two hours? Want to hear two sexy voices, one of them with a sweet sweet New Zealand accent? Want to learn about online dating, Crossfit and breaking bad habits? Well then, you are in luck.

Yesterday I sat down with Peter Phoenix of Manosphere Radio to talk about these topics and more. On the show you will hear about:

  • My strategy for setting up a good online dating profile and the Dos and Donts of profile pictures and texts (not your granddaddy’s online dating advice)
  • My signature “targeted copy/paste” messaging style, the most effective way that I have found to message girls which will skyrocket your reply rate.
  • Some signature “first dates” that will make you stand out from the crowd and keep the ladies coming back for more/
  • My struggles with fitness, my discovery of Crossfit, and how to discover your own fitness passion.
  • Why Crossfit is awesome, dispelling some myths and concerns, and how to avoid injury.
  • More details on No Nothing November
  • Stuff about MEEEEEEE, including the origins of the Kid Strangelove name.

TO STREAM OR DOWNLOAD THE INTERVIEW, CLICK HERE

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Top 10 Manosphere Posts of the Week (01/16/2014)

Hello again, loyal readers! And welcome back to the first Top 10 Posts list of the year. I enjoyed the long winter break, but it’s about time I got back to business!

Also – if my timing is correct – today should be the day that Return of Kings publishes my first post (I’m writing this ahead of time)! So  if you’re new – welcome, check out the lists, check out the site, and come back for more.

For the new and uninitiated – I always start the top 10 with the hot fitness chick of the week – what can I say, I like fitness chicks, and hot girls are always excellent clickbait. This week’s

  1. Feminism is Fascism by M3. M3 shows us an article that should be called “the definition of irony” and offers a perspective on the twitter “thought police”.
  2. Dwyane Wade & Gabrielle Union: Living Proof That “Big Man Culture” Is Alive & Well In Black America by JustFourGuys. A followup to another JustFourGuys post I linked to a few weeks ago – this examines how in the black community a dude like Dwyane Wade gets away with stuff a white counterpart wouldn’t dream of. Everyone forgave him at this point.
  3. Women Don’t Get Women by AlphaGameplan. A reply to the very popular cracked article about a woman making, what she calls, “the worst dating profile ever”. AlphaGameplan explains why such behavior isn’t rare, and offers an alternate take on a shitty female dating profile
  4. Gaming Attention Whores by heartiste. I said it before, I’ll say it again, love or hate heartiste, his game posts are insightful. Sure, this is not the kind of woman I’d want to deal with but in this day and age, if you’re not hooking up with an attention whore you’re probably celibate.
  5. Why you shouldn’t give a shit about your conversion rate by LaidNYC. My fellow New Yorker LaidNYC makes his first appearance on the list. People were criticizing another bloggers (Krausers) seemingly low conversion rate, given the fact that he devotes so much of his time to day game. LaidNYC shuts that shit down, because lets face it – how can the hater REALLY stack against Krauser? Also, any conversion rate is better than zero.
  6. Why it’s not useful to be angry at women, brought to you by Buddha himself by the Red Pill subreddit. I like this post because there is a lot of anger in the Manosphere, and I’m not much for anger, so a little directed old school wisdom does everyone good.
  7. As Expected by Dalrock. Dalrock previews “Divorce Corp”, a documentary on the insanity that is divorce and family court, and how it ruins lives. I’m definately watching it. Calling it – early contender for 2014 Documentary Oscar.
  8. The Blue Eyed Girl on the B-Train by the Maverick Traveler. The Maverick Traveler tells a story of how he did what so many people want to do, but few ever do – talk to that mysterious hot girl on the NYC subway. I’ve done it, its nerve racking, and he goes over all the feelings and emotions involved masterfully. Yeah, its an NYC bias, sue me.
  9. The Key Logger review by Matt Forney. Yes, a book review post is my #2. But it’s the first and only book review so far that instantly made me want to go out and get the book. The premise is simple – guy installs key logger on his computer and sees what his ladies write. Needless to say – good girl stereotypes are shattered.
  10. The Growing Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Among Women by David on Return of Kings. Guy breaks down the realities of dating women in their 30s vs the TV ideal. The summary says it all “Dry vaginas, barren wombs, empty sex drives: the truth about modern women”. My words can’t do this justice. Go check it out now!

And here you have it! Play us off, tumblr snowflake of the week!

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Bodybuilding isn’t for everybody. Sport is (aka my story of fatness and redemption)

Ok, loyal readers, I have a couple of shameful secrets to share with you. You might want to sit down for this. You ready?

  • I do not have what would be considered a “hot physique”, not even close.  I have never had visible abs in my life.  Not even when I played ice hockey at a high level.
  • I have been a gym rat for longer than I care to admit. Spending 4 days a week at my gym has been a regular occurrence for quite some time (I’m talking about years).

I struggled with my weight for most of my life. As a child I was “husky” up until the point I started playing hockey. That more or less got my weight under control and kept it like that till the end of college. At that point, I had the hearty appetite of a guy that does exhausting athletic activity 4-5 times a week, without the athletic activity. I ballooned up almost immediately upon graduation.

Weight gain is surprisingly hard to notice. No matter how good or bad I looked, I always felt like I looked the exact same way. It wasn’t until I saw a few pictures of myself that I was shocked into the realization that I needed to lose weight. Every picture – my face was fat. I had a double chin. I had to untag myself from facebook pictures and started taking the “myspace angle” shots.

I still remember my very first time in a gym. The bench press and treadmill terrified the shit out of me, since I was used to seeing people have spectacular accidents on them in internet videos. I ended up hiring a trainer for 10-12 sessions. She was a former competitive female bodybuilder, and current trainer to the pros. She was the first person to really teach me about training and nutrition. I followed her plans diligently and started seeing results, my very first.

This was the first time I discovered just how truly restrictive and boring bodybuilding is. I prepared all my own meals and consumed about 6 of them a day. All of a sudden, cooking (and the associated cleanup) was taking up a lot more of my day. After all – I needed to prepare 5-6 chicken breats on my George Foreman grill at a time, then clean that mess up. Cleaning up a Foreman is not as simple as the commercial made it out top be, especially if its covered in chicken grease and hasn’t cooled off yet. My social life took a hit, since this was the first time I had to socialize without alcohol. Bars became a nightmare. Dating became worse. I was still under the impression that ladies liked nice dinners (this just tells you how long ago this was) and drinks, and I felt like a sip of alcohol and a bite of a cookie would immediately undo all of the hard work that I have put in. I was paranoid. I remembered freaking out at this girls apartment because she didn’t have any if the food that I needed. Yes, a girl invited me over, wanted to fuck my sorry ass, and I was thinking about chicken.

I tried just about every workout style and diet imaginable. TV infomercial diet plans like P90X and Insanity? Tried em. They work.  You also draw the ire of your downstairs neighbors because your fat ass is doing a plyometrics workout. And yes, doing them in a small Manhattan apartment is as difficult as it sounds. I still remember when the door frame pullup bar I purchased slipped out and I fell directly on my ass, injuring my tailbone, and I couldn’t walk straight for a week.

I tried a ketogenic diet and was sleepy and couldn’t think straight for a week. High carb, low carb, slow carb, etc. Did them all.

Some programs I stuck with longer than others, and I was seeing results. But it was never fun. I had to find new ways to amuse myself. Gym time also became podcast listening time. I went through a lot. My gym had little monitors attached to the cardio machines so you could actually watch some TV. I have managed to see every single episode of Friends, How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men in this fashion. I hate Two and a Half Men. But I hated the boredom more.

At some point I learned about the true role of steroids and other drugs in a bodybuilders life. I went to a  show promoted as “Natural”, and the people there were maybe a 4th the size of the guys I was seeing on the covers of magazines. I didn’t want to do steroids, i didn’t want to compete in a show, I just wanted to look better. I also learned just how widespread steroids were and just how popular they were with recreational lifters that had no interest in competition. That really made me feel like shit.

But by this point I “discovered game” and was starting to get laid a lot more. I knew my improved appearance had something to do with it, so I kept it up.

I remember, during my short run as a standup comedian, I made a bunch of jokes about how weird time travel would be. Imagine telling a guy from a few centuries ago the realities of modern courtship?

“Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that in your time, you have these places where you lift heavy things in various ways and run long distances? Don’t you have to do that in your every day life? No? Oh my lord you live like a king! Why do you do these things? To attract women? Why? Aren’t they already impressed by the fact that your life is so good that you can choose to lift and run recreationally? “. To which I’d reply “Ha, you’re a funny guy, past man, you’re a funny guy”.

I more or less accepted this as a fact of life. You’re going to have to work out, it’s going to be boring, but, you know, “suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret” or some other shit people post on their facebook.

It was only this year that I discovered “Crossfit” and it completely changed my perspective on fitness.

It made it fun.

Something about it just clicked with me. Some of the movements I was already doing – deadlifts, bench presses, shoulder presses, kettlebell swings, but every single workout I did gave me a new purpose.

Can I do this workout as it is described? (RX in crossfit terms)

How fast can I do this workout.

Can I progress with this lift?

Every workout became an event, and I was hooked. I was also taken in by the social attitude of the classes. People cheered each other on, new friends were made. I was no longer the “mysterious solitary man that needs only his will and spirit to succeed”, as the manosphere implied the perfect man should be.

Every workout had a goal, a plan, a result and an incredible feeling after completion.

And then the rest of my life seemingly started to fit together. I cut my drinking to nearly nothing, I stepped my nutrition game up, I was getting more sleep – all the other stuff that was either difficult or a chore became a part of my life.

And another thing that surprised me, and people often make fun of the fat acceptance movement for this – is that I stopped looking at the scale. I don’t keep up with my weight and body fat percentage like I used to, but I don’t need to.

It was no longer about my weight. It was no longer about abs, or pecs, or biceps. It was about measurable athletic achievement. How much? How fast? And that made all the difference in the world.

And then I looked around me to see who else had some weight loss success stories, or was in good shape/athletic. Two factors immediately brought everyone together. Competition and socialization. Every single time. From the girl that ran marathons as a member of the New York Road Runners, to the guy that rock climbs, to the girl that joined a roller derby club, to the guy that joined a BJJ club and is now sparring like a boss

So what does that mean for you?

  1. Try everything to find your niche (bodybuilding, fighting, cycling, swimming, DDR, roller derby, fencing, rock climbing, running, crossfit, soccer, basketball – the choices are endless. I bet you havent tried them all)
  2. Make a plan to compete in it (or at least compete against yourself)
  3. Socialize

That right there is the very definition of sport, and without it, you are just mindlessly lifting weights, running, doing yoga, etc, and more often than not – by yourself and isolated.  Don’t focus on appearance – focus on performance. Appearance will come. Believe it.

Long live sport!

UPDATE: I wanted to give a plug for Groupon, yes, THAT Groupon. There are lots of gyms out there, from Crossfit, to Jiu Jitsu, to fencing, boxing, cycling, rock climbing, pools, etc, and groupon allows you to sample these gyms and workouts at a much lower cost, so that hopefully you too can find your fitness passion. Plus, this is a referral link, so by creating a groupon account from it you are helping me and my blog out, so I’d have more time, money, and motivation to make more and more awesome content and the circle of love would continue.

 

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